The callous use of a common phrase in someone else’s blog post shocked me.

The writer used the common acronym “ROI”.

But he couched it as “Relief on Investment” in describing how to choose a charity to support victims of Tropical Storm Harvey, which at the time had just devastated south Texas.

My anger flared.

How the hell did we just equate relief of people’s suffering with an investment philosophy?  Yes, money matters.  But is it what matters most?

Hurricane Harvey was a devastating 2017 storm that battered Texas. When we watched the news and social media feeds coming out of Houston, many of us were alternating between pangs of grief, guilt and gratitude.  Gratitude that we were watching from a distance, safely ensconced in our dry homes with our children and belongings surrounding us.  Grief as we witnessed the suffering of those being plucked from the still roiling waters, their faces contorted with pain and loss and confusion.  And guilt as we tried to discern how we can help.

Our hearts broke as we watched others suffer.  We felt lost and wondered how we could best help.  Should we send money? Dry socks? Food items?

Many of us experience that same sense of helplessness and have reached out to the people closest to us in acts of localized kindness as we’ve witnessed tragedies across the globe – the tsunamis, earthquakes, terror bombings…wars.

We change our Facebook profile pictures to show our solidarity with victims of distant tragedies, we open our wallets to aid organizations.  We even travel across the country to cheer for Batman as he transforms an ordinary city into Gotham City to fulfill a final wish for a cancer-stricken child.

We are wired for empathy…Even if the situation feels impossible. But the “ROI” of helping? Isn’t the “return” intrinsic?

The blog post that angered me spoke about how we should measure the value of our charitable contributions. The post’s author is a good guy, he just got caught up in using the wrong benchmarks of success.  Of course, money matters and it’s important.  But, as Harvey helped us see, when tragedy strikes, the metrics that matter are the ones that reflect where we regularly invest .

Kindness is what matters and it’s always there, ready to be shared.

Small investment, big return.  When you benchmark your ROI against it every day, you’ll find it heralds a success greater than any other you might have thought you were chasing.

This got me thinking about how we can invest in our clients that we work with. How can we invest in our clients and make a meaningful impact in their life? How do we measure the return on investment in these relationships?

When I zoom back to my business, and to the advisors I work with, the ROI always seems better when there is respect and trust on both sides of the deal table.very deal, there is a moment where the parties either trust each other or everything falls apart. What if you could set up the dynamic, where everyone already has the foundation of a trusting relationship to draw upon?  What if kindness, caring, and building the relationship was what mattered?

Tragedy or not, let’s get to know each other better. Let’s spend meaningful time with our clients and within our circles of influence. I always say “we need to put the “relationship” back in “CRM”. Maybe it’s time we change up that first “R” in “ROI” too.

The post Putting the “R” Back in ROI appeared first on Denise Logan.

Last week I was listening to a great story on NPR about whether Founder CEOs have a shelf life.

It focused on the concept of transition as the Co-Founder of Peloton John Foley stepped down as CEO, and moved into the role of Executive Chairman. Foley led Peloton through its entire ten year existence and will be replaced by former Spotify CFO Barry McCarthy.

The story points out other cautionary tales of massively successful retail brands, like FitBit and GoPro, that both turned down opportunities to sell, because their founder wasn’t ready to let go. Eventually, FitBit sold to Google, but only after it lost market share to competitors like Apple, while GoPro went public only to see its share price become a third of what it was.

It made me think about what so many of our clients face when the founder hangs on too long, trying to keep leading when they should let go.

One client I worked with struggled to let go, even after having fallen ill and spending several months in a coma. While to outsiders it looked obvious that the interim leadership had successfully filled the gap left by his illness and there was no longer a role for him in the company, he struggled with the challenges of letting go when it wasn’t how he had imagined it would happen.

The very real question of “How do I let go?” isn’t one that is resolved in a single moment.  Like many significant questions in our lives, it is a process. He moved forward and then stepped back, again and again.

Listening to the NPR segment last week made me wonder and reflect about what that process had looked and felt like for Foley and for Peloton.

While the story that is presently being told about Foley’s transition makes it look like a smooth and seamless event, just a single moment of transition, it’s never quite as cut and dried as it seems.  One has to wonder how much back and forth Foley did behind the scenes that no one gets to see.  Like most founders, I wonder how he made the time to just slow down to even think about letting go, amidst all of the other responsibilities that come with running a company every day, and who his helpers were in coming to this decision.

On the surface, a founder’s reluctance to let go may seem that it’s about control, but sometimes control is what masks the bigger questions like “Who am I if I’m not the leader of this company?” “What if the company does better after I leave?” “What if the company struggles after I leave, will I be blamed?”

There are many public examples that affirm these founders’ fears. Bill Gates stepped down as CEO of Microsoft, only for co-founder Steve Ballmer to take the reigns. Unfortunately, Microsoft took a deep dive during Ballmer’s tenure as CEO, and it makes me wonder if another co-founder was the best person to take on the job of CEO. On paper, he sure seemed like the right fit, but it’s possible he was too close to the company to help provide the vision that it takes to grow. Being able to bring empathy to the unspoken fears founders struggle with as they contemplate letting go is what distinguishes you as a trusted advisor, instead of just another technician executing a transaction.

Bringing in somebody new to run a company can provide a unique advantage with a fresh influx of ideas. As companies grow, innovation is frequently what keeps the company afloat. When Microsoft was growing, their innovation was faltering, and the company took a great set back. Founders that created the company might think that they have the best ideas for the company-since the company was their idea in the first place-but we can remind our clients that sometimes innovation can also come from somebody else’s voice, with a different background and set of experiences.

Then there’s Jack Dorsey, the former CEO of Twitter who at one time was trying to be the CEO of Twitter and Square at the same time. How can we expect a founder to serve everyone well if they’re trying to do everything? As advisors, we can help our clients realize when they have spread themselves too thin. It’s common for owners to think they’re superheroes. However, it takes a trusted advisor to help them pull back when they’re overextending themselves.

It’s one thing to be a founder of a company, but it can be an entirely different thing to be a CEO and leader of a company. Our owners find out, sometimes the hard way, that they are not the ones best equipped to be in this position and it’s on us as advisors to recognize that there are a lot of feelings tied to that.

When you’re the best at one part of the job and you become CEO and then suddenly, you’re not the best at the job, how do you help them with the one identity that they have built? Sometimes they’re stuck finding that out themselves. How is it realistic to think that these people are going to come to these realizations on their own account?

Steve Jobs had to leave Apple the first time to be ready to be the leader it needed when he returned. He was a founder that found out the hard way at the time, he didn’t have the skillset the company needed to thrive. When he left, he gained more perspective and returned with a fresh vision for Apple that made it the global icon it is today.

Meanwhile, there are some leaders that have successfully managed the transition from founder to CEO. Examples like Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos come to mind, but, like NPR noted, these leaders are a rare exception.

Another client I’ve worked with has been in the process of an orderly multi-year transition out of the role of leading his company and, even with that well-thought-out and structured leaving (he, too, like the founder of Peloton, has moved into Executive Chairman role) it’s been an emotional journey.

Founders really do struggle with these questions of “When should I leave?” and “How do I let go?” They deserve the careful guidance of advisors who recognize that stepping away from something you’ve given birth to – like Foley has done with Peloton and like many of our clients will do with their companies – isn’t a one-and-done decision … it’s a process. There are so many emotions involved when they are so entrenched in their business. Their companies are their babies, the people that work there are like families, and often they think that they’re the best equipped to handle what’s happening at the company.

As I wrote in my article about the similarities between business owners and parents of college freshmen, there is an art to letting go. Much like how we need to let our children grow up, we must do the same for our businesses. If we coddled our children like we sometimes coddle our businesses, they would never be successful. They need time to grow up on their own, without their parents, and make their own way forward. As advisors, we can help our clients realize when it’s time for them to let go, before it’s too late.

The Seller’s Journey is a great tool for you to use to help your clients find when it’s time to let go. I encourage you to share it with your clients to give them an example of an owner that’s going through much of the same emotional journey they are going through. Together, we can help our clients do what is best for them and their companies, treating the process like a transition, and not just a transaction.

The post Helping Clients Know When to Let Go appeared first on Denise Logan.

I lived in another state and, like many of us who find ourselves with older parents to care for from afar, I needed to know that the professionals who were walking with them on a journey none of us had ever taken before were fully up to the task. The stakes were high, we needed to trust them, and we only got one chance to get it right.

The morning after my dad’s diagnosis, I flew to Detroit to be with them when they met with the surgeon. In the airport convenience store that morning, as I fished some money out of my purse for a bottle of water and a pack of gum, I noticed a book leaning against the cash register. What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Colorectal Cancer.

 “Ok,” I said to the cashier, “I’ll take the water, the gum and THIS book,” thinking it was obviously something I needed to read on my flight to help me get up to speed before this meeting.

When we’re faced with unfamiliar experiences, our minds naturally want to know what we’re up against and how to prepare for the obstacles we’re likely to encounter on the road ahead. Our business owner clients and their families desperately need that same peek into what lies ahead, not just the technical parts which they can wrap their intellectual minds around, but the things that no one else talks to them about – the emotional changes they’re headed for.

Certainly, what I read in one book on my flight to Detroit didn’t make me as knowledgeable as the surgeon (or even the receptionist at his office at that point, if I’m honest!)  But it DID give me enough of a framework of what we were in for and what he might not think to prepare us for because it was so routine for him.

Of course, our questions were probably ones he had heard (and answered) a zillion times before and probably came out in an emotional string of gobbledygook. I knew that’s to be expected when uncertainty plays such a big part in any significant decision-making. You know it, too, because there are plenty of times when your business owner or their family members seem to have just lost their danged minds!

But I wasn’t prepared for just how dismissive the surgeon was. How he kept checking his watch, impatient to move this all along and “get on with it already.” When my dad asked in a shaky voice whether he was going to have to live with an ostomy bag, the doctor sneered and replied something like “just be grateful if I save your life and stop worrying about things like that.”

Dr. Meany (as I immediately nicknamed him in my mind) wanted to schedule the surgery two days after our meeting. My parents were scared and asked if it needed to happen so soon, couldn’t they have a couple of days to think things through. Dr. Meany was clearly exasperated! His demeanor told us that he thought we were being ridiculous, and he had a busy schedule. Hand on the door, Dr. Meany blurted out, “Fine, it’s your life. Go ahead and roll the dice but time isn’t on your side. Call my scheduling assistant when you make up your mind and we’ll see how long it takes you to get back in my calendar.” And then he was gone, leaving my father trembling on the table in a paper gown and his black socks.

Sadly, many of you have walked some version of this frightful journey yourselves or with someone you have loved.

Some of you, in fact, have even displayed this heartless lack of “bedside manner” or witnessed a deal partner doing it to your own clients who dared to challenge the way you decree the process must go or when they expressed the need to slow things down so they can catch up to all the change that’s making their heads swim.

A good many of you have even said, “Time isn’t on your side, here, Mister” to hurry things along because your own fear about losing a commission reared its head. Or maybe you slammed out the door or abandoned a deal because you were exasperated with your client’s “ridiculous” refusal to just fall into line. You’ve left them metaphorically exposed and shaking in a paper gown and their black socks wondering what the hell just happened and what on earth they’re going to do now.

I have no doubt that Dr. Meany was technically proficient. He had come recommended by their family doctor. Someone they trusted. He probably had no idea what an egotistical cruel man Dr. Meany was because he was an “expert.”

It’s even possible that Dr. Meany wasn’t a bad man, perhaps he was just overworked or fed up with a system that made him feel like he needed to treat the people who brought their precious lives to him like one more cog in a system he needed to churn out. At one point, he might have been someone who cared.

When we met him, Dr. Meany only saw parts for him to mechanically operate on and move on to the next one. He had forgotten that these were people, with lives and loved ones who would be forever changed by their interaction with him. Much like some of you, who have forgotten that your clients think of their business as their baby. What feels like “a frustrating busted deal” to you, is a devastating loss to them.

Have you, like Dr. Meany, forgotten that we are not technicians, we are entrusted with the lives of the people who come to us at vulnerable moments in their lives?

I stayed up most of that night in my hotel room searching for a cancer team that would bring compassion to my family as we traversed one of the most frightening times most of us can imagine.

As the sun rose the next morning, I drove to my parents’ home to talk about choosing a doctor who could care about them. They hadn’t slept either. My parents were reluctant to look for someone else. They no longer knew if they could trust themselves and wanted to just rely on “the experts”. They didn’t know if we could find a caring and skillful doctor. The weight of making the right choice hung over all of us.

The surgeon I found for them to meet with next was just as highly credentialed as Dr. Meany and his website and the reviews seemed like his humanity was intact, but he was far from home. Dr. Meany practiced close to home, they offered. I reminded them so did the veterinarian, but we weren’t going to make choices based on proximity or speed with something this important.  They were worried about the travel distance to the new doctor in an unfamiliar hospital, they worried about starting over. Dr. Meany had terrified them out of being able to think for themselves. They were traumatized by the process and by the absolutely heartless way they were treated by someone they desperately needed to trust.

The new surgeon was part of an integrated cancer team. This team reassured my dad that they would treat him like a member of their own family. He joked with them, does that mean you’ll pretend to ignore me and roll your eyes at my jokes like my daughter does? I’m not saying whether I did or I didn’t roll my eyes at that moment, you’ll have to guess. They promised that they would care for him like he was their favorite uncle.

In fact, this team met once a week to staff all their patients’ cases. The oncologist, the surgeon, the radiologist, the pharmacist, the nursing team, the patient advocate, and lots of others we didn’t even know were “on the case”. Every one of them was fully dialed into the technical aspects of my father’s medical care, but even more importantly, they were equally tuned in to his (and our) emotional care.

What would it mean for your clients to feel like they had an integrated team of caring professionals where every single person was fully dialed in to their experience as they navigated this journey through not only the transaction you’re hired to handle but also the transition they’re undergoing?  Can your clients say they feel you care for them as if they were your favorite uncle? That you are committed to placing them safely on the other shore, that you will not abandon them mid-stream because things get rough and you have other deals that seem easier or more lucrative in the moment?

This new surgeon (who I think of as Dr. Caring) recommended they use radiation to shrink the tumor first, giving them a greater chance of avoiding a long-term ostomy. Of course, he shared the risks of waiting, but he took to heart what was most important to my dad. Do your clients feel like you truly understand what matters most to them in the outcome, even if it isn’t what you recommend?  Can you help them get what they need and allow them to make their own informed decisions?

The team encouraged my mom to involve her primary care doctor in the process, too. At first, she balked, she didn’t see the need. They gently coached her about preparing for the extra strain she might feel as the spouse of someone undergoing such a life change. Thank goodness they did and that her doctor was receptive to being part of a collaborative effort, because a wellness check revealed that she had a fast-growing and aggressive breast cancer.

Now the “team” expanded to also include those professionals who would address my mom’s surgery and recovery.

Together, this integrated team made sure that their surgeries and follow ups and chemo treatments were scheduled taking into account what the other spouse was going to be experiencing.  They made sure they each had support groups – people to talk to who had been through this – so they didn’t feel alone. They made sure they had knowledge and support before, during and after the process to help them make good decisions and make sense of the significant changes that they were undergoing physically and emotionally.

Dr. Caring wasn’t able to avoid a permanent ostomy, the cancer had spread too far for that.  He was aware of just how crushing that would be. He didn’t send someone else to break the news, he didn’t rush my dad to just “look at the bright side and move on” and he was actively involved in helping him grieve this loss. How do you deliver bad news to your clients?

All told, my family spent close to eighteen months intertwined with the many members of this team. Many of your clients will be with you for the better part of a year, or longer, and it’s going to get emotional. They walked side by side with us through what, to them, was undoubtedly at times the mundane and routine parts of their jobs. Through times when their schedules were hectic and they were worn out, too. They earned and kept our trust with every interaction, and they always brought their own humanity to the table with ours. No one person could do it all. But, together, they created a carefully woven safety net without losing the thread of what really mattered.

Think we remember their names? You bet. Think we tell everyone who comes to this fork in the road about the kind of care this team brought as they traveled with us through a journey that could have been even more treacherous than it was? For sure.

Ask yourself, which one are you – Dr. Meany or Dr. Caring? It’s a choice, you know. Have you created the collaborative environment with other caring partners who can attend to their unique piece of the transaction while offering comfort to the precious human being who has invited you into their life for this journey?

Are you applying The Favorite Uncle Standard of Care?

The post The “Favorite Uncle” Standard of Care appeared first on Denise Logan.

I recently met a wealth manager named Amy who had that very reaction.  She asked me why I thought that made her lucky instead of cursed.  I invited her to join me for lunch later that week and promised she’d see what I meant.

She and I met at a local restaurant for lunch with a lawyer, a banker, and an accountant – I know it sounds like the opening to a bad joke or, perhaps, the most boring lunch you can imagine depending on your perspective (and no we hadn’t just walked into a bar!) but keep reading.

The four of us first met as the team of professionals involved in helping our mutual client, Jeremy, sell his business and we have continued to meet for lunch or a drink every other month since then, even though Jeremy’s sale has long-since successfully concluded.  Amy was surprised to learn that it’s an appointment each of us keeps, no matter what else might try to intrude into our calendars.  She wondered why we continue to invest this kind of regular time with each other even when we’re not working on a current deal together.

Here’s what we told her.

“Amy, remember when I told you that you’re lucky if you’re spending half your time as a part-time psychologist with your clients?” I asked.

“Sure,” she replied, “but I can’t imagine why you think that makes me lucky.”

One of the others pointed out that, in every single deal he’s ever been involved in, he realized someone was playing that role of “therapist” and, most often was someone who resented it and wished the business owner would “just get a grip on their emotions” and “act rationally.”

“The reason Denise says you’re lucky if you’re the person the owner has chosen to bring their emotions to is it means you’re the person they feel most safe with in the deal. It means that the other professionals AREN’T making the owner feel safe enough to let down their guard and share with them what’s really going on inside,” my banker friend said.

“That’s right,” continued one of the others.  “Once I realized that I was the one person the owner felt safe with, I recognized it was an honor, not a burden.  But, I also realized that with that honor came a greater sense of responsibility.  If they were trusting me with their emotions, I knew I needed to dial up my own understanding about how I could help them better.  I began to look for ways to bring even more of that sense of emotional safety into the relationships I built with my clients.”

My banker friend added, between bites of his burger, “That’s right, while it started when Denise pointed it out in this deal with Jeremy, once I caught on, it happened for me in other deals, too.  Clients started to tell me what was really going on under the surface for them, instead of making stupid moves and unrealistic demands.  I began to see how much easier it is to solve the issues that used to cause things to inexplicably unravel at the eleventh hour and I started closing more deals.”

Amy said she thought that made sense but that she was worried she wouldn’t know how to handle it if her clients started to get too emotional.  Several of the others admitted that, at first, they were worried about that, too.  But that it got easier with practice and as they continued to learn more skillful ways to show up for their clients.  Especially as the other professionals in Jeremy’s deal were also learning these skills.  They each started to notice that Jeremy was sharing more openly with all of them and not just dumping all of his emotion on one person in the transaction. They didn’t have to wonder what was going on and the chaos and drama they’d been used to virtually vanished and everything got easier.

I told Amy how we had used, an intimate conversational-style dinner event, with Jeremy when we wanted to deepen his sense of connection and trust with the deal team.  We talked about how it created the conditions for psychological safety and how it transformed Jeremy’s relationship with us and ours with each other.

One of them shared that, although his partners had initially thought this approach was a bunch of hooey, as they learned more about what creating emotional safety for their clients meant, they realized that their clients actually seemed to crave that kind of deeper connection with them.  They started to see that the deals which had inexplicably fallen apart before had signs which now seemed obvious and fixable.

“Who knew,” I added, “such simple things could help clients bond to us and bring us into the fold as their most trusted advisors, the ones they come to early when they’re considering selling their business.”

Amy shared that she had been caught off guard a couple of times in the past year when clients of hers had sold their businesses and she only learned of it when the client was moving their accounts to a new wealth management firm.  She wondered whether some of these tools and experiences could help her strengthen the bond with some of her own clients.

Over the rest of lunch, we talked with Amy about the different ways we had learned to build trust with each other and with our clients and how it had radically changed each of our businesses.  She seemed especially interested in exploring whether she and her partners could learn how to do this with their own clients and the referral partners she had been trying to cultivate relationships with.

Lest you think we’re just a bunch of lazy bums with nothing else to do but lounge around over lunch or drinks, let me assure you that each of us have busy professional and personal lives, but we’ve seen just how important it is to create the ideal conditions for psychological safety and unshakeable trust for our clients and each other.

Our commitment to our client Jeremy in that deal ad beyond it has been to deepen our respect and rapport so that we can collectively be the safest nest for our clients in the future as we help them weather one of the most challenging transitions in their lives.

Guess what, since that lunch, two of the five of us are already engaged in a relationship with a new client together and that client is already sharing the kind of information that shows us he feels safe.  And every one of us is confident that this deal will close with ease.  As it should when an owner is surrounded by professionals who care about their client and each other

Most Advisors don’t believe me when I share they can
consistently close more deals with ease.

Then, they experience it for themselves.

Once you experience an inbox full of referrals and both you and your sellers expect a trustworthy sale process…you never go back to seeing the work as a numbers game.

Want to learn more about how YOU can find this same success with your clients and referral partners? 

Reach out – I’d love to show you how.

The Legacy Dinner is an intimate, conversational-style dinner event that helps you connect with your circles of influence and clients. Learn more about how best to utilize it for your business.

The post Do You Want to Know What’s REALLY Going on With Your Clients? appeared first on Denise Logan.

We talked about how we had each heard similar stories from friends at the gym and even celebrities seemed to be posting about their angst on our respective social media feeds.  

I remarked how lucky we are to have a name for what we were talking about “Empty Nest Syndrome”.  He nodded his head and said, “Yeah, I guess you’re right, that IS what we’re talking about, isn’t it?”

As you read on, I invite you to think about the similarities our owners face when they sell their business and how our familiarity with the emotional journey of launching our children can help you to care for your client through this very similar moment of transition when letting go of their business. 

While much has been written about how to survive empty nesting and we’re all familiar with couples who, once the children are “out of the nest”, look at each other and wonder “Who are you?” and “Do I even want to find out again?” or “What the heck do I do with myself now?” Many of those relationships don’t survive the existential challenges of reframing the relationship when caregiving for children and mutual parenting responsibilities lay bare what remains of substance in their relationship. 

The same is true for our business owners.  It’s not a coincidence that so many of them think of their business as “their baby”.  They birthed this business, nurtured it through troubled times and watched it grow. When faced with the time to let go and launch it into the world, they understandably experience this same emotional arc of letting go and the concurrent question about their identity without it. 

One of the things that helps parents process the innate sense of disorientation and sometimes surprising sense of emptiness is knowing that it’s perfectly normal.  That what they’re feeling is what tens of millions of other parents are going through in the same moment and that others have survived and gone on to thrive in their post-acute parenting time.  Most people around them recognize what they are experiencing as a normal part of letting go of their children and find support in their family and friends as they work through these feelings. 

What if, as advisors, we helped to prepare our clients for this same perfectly normal period of adjustment.  Instead of ignoring it, shaming them for their feelings or telling them they’ll “get over it” – recognize the transition that they are experiencing.  Bring to your client conversations an awareness of how you have navigated similar emotions when your children launched (or if you haven’t yet launched children, you can draw upon your own experience of the period of uncertainty when YOU left home, or had to leave behind a favorite coach or even sold a home and realized you were leaving behind the oak tree you had planted all those years before).  Come to the conversation with empathy and help normalize the experience, validate their fears, anxiety and worries.  Help your client to reflect upon how they dealt with the similar experience when their children launched (or they left a home they loved, etc.) Because most parents know that what they are experiencing is “empty nest” adjustment, we can laugh about it when we come to the table with one more plate than there are diners that night.  “Oh, that’s right, she’s at college.” We remind ourselves or know to gently comfort our spouse who remarks, “It’s so quiet here now.  I miss him.” Even though just weeks ago he was shouting up the stairs, “Turn down the music!” or “Why can’t you remember to turn off the lights!”  Oddly now we feel a little lost longing for those same things that annoyed us so recently.  If we didn’t know this was normal, we’d feel crazy. 

That’s exactly what our business owner client feels when she finds herself about to turn into the parking lot of the business she already sold, when she was actually headed somewhere else.  Her brain was on auto pilot, going to work was such a part of her routine.  Of course, it feels jarring to suddenly find herself in the parking lot where she no longer belongs.  She might feel embarrassed and hope no one saw her.  Or she might want to just pop in and say hello to her former employees.   

Likewise, the owner who was absolutely fed up with all the employees’ shenanigans and swore they wouldn’t miss it one single bit needs our compassion when the nostalgia appears and they question “maybe it wasn’t really all that bad” wondering if they made a mistake in their decision to sell. 

As parents, we remember that it was always our goal to raise this child and launch them into the world.  That this was what we were working toward and is actually a marker of our success as parents.  We kept them safe until adulthood (or this reasonable facsimile of adulthood!) and instilled in them the basics to begin making their way into the world.   Such is true for our business owners.  Their goal was always to build something successful and sell it or turn it over to the next generation, a means to harvest the wealth from their labors to fund their future or that of their family.   

But, then again, we experience the emptiness of the space in our home and in our routine that the now-launched child or business used to fill and find ourselves surprised by the depth of conflicting emotions and loss. 

We, and they, let go of the roles and routines and step herky-jerky into our new not-quite-so-clear and definitely less comfortable routines and roles.  We begin to discover who we are, other than Drew’s mom or Tory’s dad or the owner of XYZ Company.  Perhaps we pick up hobbies we enjoyed earlier in our life or had deferred because of our parenting responsibilities or realize we have no outside interests and feel ashamed and worried we won’t find anything to occupy our time.   

We try to navigate friendships that were forged with the parents of our children’s friends or with our employees and business associates. We discover those friendships drifting and realize that they were based on common interests we no longer share and question if those friendships were even real.  As empty nesters and former business owners, we are faced with the prospect of making new friends as adults and it can feel scary. 

Years ago, a close friend confided that she and her husband were thinking of having another baby since they missed their daughter who had just gone off to college.  I remarked, “But you’re finally free!” to which she replied, “It doesn’t feel free, it just feels … well … empty.  We loved being involved parents with our daughter.”  Sound familiar?  How many of your business owner clients dive right back into another business within a few months to avoid the emotions involved in forging a new identity?  Metaphorically, having another baby. 

Make good use of this season of launching to notice how you and the people around you are practicing the art of letting go and bring those lessons and that empathy into your work with owners all year long.   

I know I say it all the time but it’s true – it really IS a transition, not a transaction – and when we treat it that way, everyone wins. 

The post The Art of Letting Go: What Parents of College Freshmen and Business Owners Have in Common appeared first on Denise Logan.

Do you know why I’m fascinated with today’s holiday?  It reminds me of the way lots of advisors approach their deals.  They seem absolutely mystified by how they end up in a repeating loop of busted deals, completely unaware of what’s going on underground and how to change the pattern.  Likewise, our emotions can seem like unpredictable wild animals that pop up from nowhere and derail our lives and our deals.  So the groundhog metaphor is a good one for us to use in thinking about how to help more owners make it all the way through a successful sale of their business.

The term “Groundhog Day” became part of the English lexicon as a means to describe a monotonous, unpleasant, and repetitive situation.  It arose following the release of a comedy by the same name that has surprisingly philosophical undertones that are applicable to the process of selling a business.

In Groundhog Day, Bill Murray portrays Phil Connors, a cynical television weatherman covering the annual Groundhog Day event in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, who becomes trapped in a time loop forcing him to inexplicably relive February 2 again and again.  The film’s creator, Danny Rubin, said that this lack of explanation made Phil’s situation more relatable, as “none of us seems to know exactly how we got stuck here either” when facing our own Groundhog Day experience.

Like some advisors I’ve met, Phil makes no secret of his contempt for the assignment, the small town, and the “hicks” who live there, nor does he conceal that he’s only doing it for the money and his ability to leverage it into something “better.”

In short order, when Phil realizes that each day is the same as the one before and there are no consequences for his actions, he begins spending loop after loop indulging in binge eating, one-night stands, robbery, and other dangerous activities, using his increasing knowledge of the day’s events and the town residents to manipulate circumstances to his advantage.

Some advisors in our industry have taken a similar approach, treating business owners, their precious life’s work and the sale process like “a numbers game” – slickly convincing lots of business owners to list their companies with them, but putting in little effort to help those owners succeed at the sale, concealing key information from deal partners and doing just enough to earn their fee and abandoning those deals and clients that don’t quickly show economic promise.  They put their attention on only the technical aspects of the sale, persuading the owner and themselves that only reaching the highest dollar matters, ignoring the reality that their work as a trusted advisor is about so much more than just running a transaction and collecting their fee before moving on to the next one and the one after that.

We hear advisors mutter under their breath with contempt that they have to play “part-time psychologist” in their deals, meanwhile actively looking away from the signs of distress that owners exhibit about their uncertainty surrounding the transition and, worse yet, sometimes shaming those owners for needing to slow down so they can catch their breath and adjust to all the change that is happening around them.  Those same advisors treat the inevitable emotional elements of the process as if they are dirty gophers mucking up the fantasy of their smooth playing field and often shove owners or their partners around, forcing a deal to close because their own fear of losing their commission overrides their ability to care for their client’s best interest.

These behaviors end up creating the self-perpetuating loop of busted deals and lead to mistrustful owners and advisors who treat owners with contempt that goes round and round.

In the movie, Phil gradually becomes depressed and desperate for a way to escape the loop.  Each thing he tries lands him back in the same situation day after day.  I’ll bet you know some folks like that, too.  I sure do.

Beneath the comedy aspects, the script melds sentimental and deeply cynical elements to help us focus much more on the philosophical aspects of our chosen work in the world.  It showcases Phil’s existential loneliness as he fails to find meaning in his looping days, consumed only with his self-interest and how to manipulate others into giving him what he wants.

It is only when Phil stops using the loops to indulge his own desires and instead uses them to selflessly help others that he is freed.  He learns to use the knowledge he is gaining from the repeating loops to demonstrate genuine empathy and develops ways to care as he helps others without fakery or self-interest.

The more he understands what is going on for others and finds ways to ease their walk in the world, knowing that no matter which path he chooses (the selfish one or the helpful one) the day will likely reset anyway, that is when he wins the respect and affection of Rita, the paramour played by Andie MacDowell.  He wins with her, not because he desires it or has impressed her with his knowledge or manipulated her into choosing him, but because he has genuinely become the type of person that Rita could love.

I see a similar path to success for advisors who take the opportunity to understand the journey their business owner clients are on as they navigate the exit of their business.  Using each interaction with a prospect or client to display not just their transactional prowess, but their deep respect and affection for the business owner and what they have built, these advisors win their client’s trust.  Those are the deals that close with ease and turn into loops of satisfied former clients and circles of influence filled with deal partners who make referrals that fill those advisors’ pipelines with clients they genuinely enjoy helping.

The behaviors we engage in create patterns and lead to the loops of our lives.  We have more power to decide which loop plays out than we sometimes remember.

For Rubin and Murray, the essential message of Groundhog Day represents having the strength and knowledge to make a purposeful change when faced with the opportunity to simply keep repeating previous mistakes. The pair loosely used the Kübler-Ross model of the five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—as an outlining structure for the film.  We watch Phil navigate those stages of grief as he grows, just as we watch our clients move through these elements as they let go of their business.  Want to read more about that process and how you can use it to help your clients?  Check out my article Grief, Loss & Owners on the Brink.

While Bill Murray got to replay the same day over and over in the movie Groundhog Day until he got it right, you don’t get that chance when you’re helping a client sell their business.  You and they get only one chance and the way you show up with them makes all the difference in whether they place their trust in you and allow you to shepherd them to the other side of the single biggest transition in their professional life.

Keeping with my Bill Murray and small animal theme, in Murray’s other famous role as Carl the groundskeeper in Caddyshack, he said you’ve got to BE the gopher.  Think like the gopher … er, I mean the business owner.  Instead of setting up traps to catch the gopher or devices to suppress their emotions to keep them from blowing up your deal, tap into what it’s like to know the deeper meaning of the work you are doing and relate to what your client is experiencing.  Get in touch with the sense of profound responsibility that comes with an owner entrusting their most prized possession to you and allowing you to guide them across a ravine of the unknown as they sell their business.

Ask yourself, “If this was my favorite uncle, how would I handle the sale of his business?”  Would it be different than the way you are approaching or interacting with this business owner who might, today, feel like a stranger?  Do you care about how this owner and his family and employees and community will experience this process and what lies for them on the other side?  What can help you to build relationships of trust with your client and your deal partners so that this deal makes it all the way to the close in a way that leaves everyone feeling at ease?

Are you genuinely proud of the way you are doing your work and the way it affects the people you are serving? If not, change your approach or pick a different job.  Otherwise, reconcile yourself to being like Bill Murray’s character Phil living a never-ending series of Groundhog Days filled with misery or his grubby groundskeeper character Carl in Caddyshack muttering about the string of senseless deals as “a pool or a pond, all the same to me.”

The emotional arc of a deal is actually far more predictable than you think and you don’t have to treat it like you’re stuck in a job crawling on your belly trying to outsmart your client’s emotions as if they are gophers and you’re caught in a game of Whack-a-Mole.

Remember, the way to get the kind of rich, satisfying life you want is to do your work in ways that serve others.

The post Is a Groundhog Running Your Deals? appeared first on Denise Logan.

You know what’s scary?  Leaving.  Even when it’s your choice.  I know because last week I made a difficult decision to step away from an important relationship.  It was the right decision, and I didn’t make it lightly, but that didn’t seem to matter to my rollicking emotional brain.  In fact, it had me up at 3am – both on nights before and after I made and shared my decision. 

This experience reminded me of what our clients go through when deciding to sell and leave their businesses.  This monster is called Seller’s Remorse.  It kills way too many deals, but it doesn’t have to.

The monster under the bed: Am I making the right decision?

Change is hard, whether or not you’re the person who made the decision.  One person might be left wondering “What the heck just happened?”  Sometimes that person is also the one who made the decision.

Making decisions and adjusting to the change that follows can create a paralyzing fear that leaves us waffling, prone to indecision and often second guessing ourselves.  It’s our brain adjusting to what’s called Cognitive Dissonance.  You can read more on cognitive dissonance here but for our purposes it’s what happens as our brain is jumping back and forth between two different scenarios that it can’t reconcile.  At least, not yet. 

It takes time for our brains and our bodies to adjust to something new.  I’ve found myself waking in the night, doing the hard work of letting go of what was and aligning to what IS, without yet knowing what will be.  I’m missing the familiar and comforting routines, the regular contact, sharing news of the day and still reconciling to the reality that what I thought my future would look like will actually be different.

That’s what our clients go through, too.  If they’re not prepared for it, it can (and too often does) derail their deal.

Why the jitters?:  Cognitive dissonance is a very real effect of change but it doesn’t mean the decision was wrong.

I was talking with my college roommate on Saturday and heard a version of this same experience from her.  She lives in Texas and her daughter and son-in-law live in Colorado.  My friend and her husband have spoken for several years about moving closer to their kids. Their daughter had a baby this summer and the longing to live closer has become even stronger, as you might imagine.  Two weeks ago, they made an offer on a house near her daughter and the offer was accepted.  Immediately she was filled with both excitement and something she couldn’t quite name – maybe regret.

Within days of returning home, they had several offers on their old house.  It means they can get on with the good stuff in their new home right away.  But my friend is also sad about leaving the house that she and her husband put so much effort into making right for them.  She told me that she was struggling because she loved this house and can’t quite imagine not living in it.  She felt embarrassed that she was torn between being with her daughter and her grandson and the house she also loved.  “It’s just a house!” she tried to reassure herself.  Adding to her confusion is that she really likes the house she is moving to. 

This is classic cognitive dissonance in action – her brain is trying to reconcile two different scenarios … living in the house she thought they would stay in forever and living in the new house she also loves, closer to her daughter.  Her brain can’t yet reconcile the two different versions of her future.  The good news is that, eventually, and with enough care, it will.

Fear buster:  Letting go is a process, not a moment in time – even if the leaving is.

It made me remember a day more than two decades ago.  The last moving truck, filled with the furniture and files and things that had made up my law firm was loaded.  In my effort to spot the truck as it rounded the corner, I bumped my head against the window of my now-empty office.  I didn’t think I had hit my head that hard.  Then I realized it wasn’t hitting my head that had triggered the tears.  The business I had spent more than a decade building now belonged to someone else.  Someone else would care for my clients, my employees, the pieces of a business I had painstakingly curated over the years. 

“But, this is what I wanted,” I kept repeating to myself.  Yet I was still sad.  At the time, I found it hard to reconcile two conflicting feelings – relief and regret.  Even more feelings kept surfacing, demanding to be reconciled, creating even more cognitive dissonance.  Fear and exhilaration and sadness and uncertainty, sometimes even anger and shame.  I stood there second-guessing myself – even though one part of me knew with certainty that the decision was the right one – and the moving truck had already pulled away from the building.  The deal was done.

In the days and weeks that followed, I kept waking up in the middle of the night – confused and uncertain – having to remind myself that YES I had left my business.  I found the lack of routine, and the freedom it brought, unsettling – even though I had longed for those very things.  Some days I was thrilled and lounged about with my tea on the deck, so happy to not have to go anywhere or do anything.  Other days I roamed the house like a lost soul, or found it difficult to even get out of bed.

Thoughts of clients and employees drifted in and out of my head and I had to resist the urge to pick up the phone or jot a note about something to tell them.  Reminding myself that I was no longer responsible for them.  I wanted to just check in, see how things were, catch up with my peers.  But their lives and mine had gone in different directions and what we had in common was drifting.  They no longer needed or sought my input on things.  While I was glad I had exited my business, I was also questioning whether it had been the right decision.  Some days, I flat out felt like a crazy person as my brain whip-sawed between the two thoughts.

It took longer than I thought for this to settle down in my brain and in my body.  My body knew what time it used to get up, the route to the office.  It surprised me that sometimes I accidentally found myself driving toward the office that was no longer mine.  Recalling the rhythm of my old life, my brain and my body recalled that such and such date was when an industry conference always happened – one that I had enjoyed but no longer had a reason to attend.

Eventually, I settled into a new rhythm, a new life, actually happy – although occasionally one of those old thoughts would pop into my head surprising me. 

What Can You Do:  For the Owner, this is a Transition not just a Transaction

Because of my own experience, I remind advisors to stay focused on how this will impact their clients beyond just the economics and the importance of providing support as they transition.  I didn’t know that was what I would be feeling then.  In fact, it surprised me at the time that I felt what I did – and for so long.  Honestly, even knowing that this was likely, it continues to surprise me in the days after ending this recent relationship.  It’s likely that my friend will continue to be surprised by it in the weeks ahead as they pack up their house and move into the new one closer to her daughter.

One of the reasons I’m so focused on helping owners and their advisors remember that this is a transition even more than a transaction is because it’s so easy for advisors to close their files and move on to the next deal – leaving an owner all alone with these surprising feelings.  Too often, the advisors or family members and friends of the owner think that the enthusiasm and relief and accompanying financial windfall will be enough.  They seem perplexed by this emotional maelstrom that sets in, the malaise and ennui (and regret) saying “But I thought this was what you wanted!”

Yes, it IS what the owner wanted.  Just like my friend who wants to live close to her daughter and grandson.  Just like I wanted to sell my business and be freed of the pressures.  Just like you wanted your teenager to launch off to college, but still find yourself surprised that you need to set one less plate at the dinner table or miss stumbling over their lacrosse gear at the back door. 

If we’re not careful with this, when the 3am boogie man thoughts surface for our clients, they will accidentally kill their own deals to relieve the distress from the cognitive dissonance.  But they don’t have to stay stuck and we don’t have to let them navigate it alone.  We can do better – for them and for ourselves.  Feeling paralyzing uncertainty is part of the process.  Second guessing is natural.  Wanting to stay with what feels familiar makes sense, even when staying is the wrong choice. Feeling sad is normal.  Missing what was and forgetting that things are different now makes sense.  Yes, even when you’ve wanted what you got and got what you wanted.  All of that is true, and there is a gradual letting go … a reconciling of what WAS with what IS. 

I find myself missing my special person and know that, for a time, I am likely to still wake up in the night – surprised by the fact that I have forgotten that we’re no longer together.  Surprised by a sense of longing for what was and, yes, even surprised that I am surprised; sad while also knowing that it was the right decision.

How can you help? Endings matter, so prepare for it, stay connected – it’s in your interest, too

Normalize the experience, help your owners to expect it (and to also let them know that it’s normal to underestimate or even discount that they will feel this) just like it is normal to forget or to second guess a decision once it’s been made.  It’s a transition.  If you think it will help, give them a copy of The Seller’s Journey a business fable about how another owner navigated the emotions as he prepared for the sale of his business and throughout the year following his exit. Stay connected to them, help them and the people who will support them to also know what to expect – hiding the feelings or being ashamed of them leaves them stuck and alone.

Don’t forget that this cognitive dissonance also happens for our owners’ employees, customers, vendors, and family members, too.  Even for the deal team – there is an emotional process to go through to reach completion and closure – whether a deal concludes or crashes and burns.  Just closing the file, cashing the check or hosting a closing dinner doesn’t mean it’s “over” for everyone.  

Endings matter. Owners who get the support they need when things go bump in the night settle soundly on the other side and go on to live happily ever after and tell all their friends you can help them write their story that way too. And the advisors who learn how to navigate this process are rewarded with work that makes a difference in their clients’ lives and the referrals that prove it. Call me, I can help.

The post SCARY THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE NIGHT appeared first on Denise Logan.

One of them I’ll call “Brian” announced he had no plans to retire – “Not me,” he said.  “I’m planning to die at my desk.” When I asked him why, he responded, “Because it’s the only place I feel truly alive.”  Ouch.  I wondered what it must be like to be his wife or children and know that the place he felt most alive was at work, not with them.

Last month, Brian died quite suddenly, and his wife, Barbara, told me “My husband thought it was a joke to say he’d ‘die at his desk and leave me wealthy and in charge of the business.’” Her voice broke.  “It was no joke when my ability to grieve his unexpected death was sidelined by all the clients, staff and vendors who needed my attention.  The reality according to our advisors is that the estate will receive only a fraction of the business’ worth and, if he wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him for leaving me in this mess.”  The sad news is that this was avoidable. 

Another executive at that same retreat said he was delaying the sale of his business because he was afraid of running out of money.  A third said that he had heard too many horror stories about company owners who dropped dead right after selling their companies and he had no intention of becoming one of them who died of boredom.

I pushed back a bit on these fellows – what if the reason that an owner died shortly after selling his business wasn’t because he sold too soon but because he sold too late?  Perhaps he waited until his health was failing and “had” to retire.  As for dying of boredom, I asked them to consider the state of their relationships in the context of research that shows loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking or obesity.

Steve Croft shared a brief anecdote that his 60 Minutes colleague Morley Safer had warned him “Don’t stay too long, Steve”.  Morley died of pneumonia at age 84 one week after retiring after 46 years at the show.  Think he might have stayed too long? How is it that you think you’ll “just know” when he didn’t?

Retirement Feels Like Death to Me

Retirement is 10^th on the list of the top 50 most stressful life events (according to the American Institute of Stress) – 6 points above financial stress – but in the same decile as things like death of a spouse (or a child) and divorce.   It’s actually no surprise that we find retirement, death and divorce in the same stress bucket.  They’re all transitions and, transitions can feel stressful, especially when we don’t talk about and prepare for them.  But, the truth is, it doesn’t have to be this way. 

More than sixty percent of business owners think they will “know” when it’s time to retire and will be able to plan for a sale when that time comes.  As a consequence, fewer than thirty percent of business owners have an exit strategy or succession plan in the event of their unexpected departure or death.  Many of them play the “One More Year” game, assuming that time is on their side and that they can safely continue to delay the inevitable.

The problem is that there is a significant disconnect between when people THINK they’ll retire and when they ACTUALLY retire. Almost half of the population (48%) incurs an unplanned retirement event – often to cope with a health problem or disability of their own or to care for a spouse or other family member.   That’s a huge problem. 

The reality is that every owner will leave their business, with or without a plan. 

The result is that in an effort to maximize economic security by focusing our attention on “getting just a bit more” we perpetuate the twin myths of “Time is Money” and “I’ll Know When It’s Time” ignoring a huge risk.  Then, when an unexpected departure happens, the capacity and stamina of those who need it most to get through a transition is significantly diminished.  The result is that the failure to plan for an inevitable transition ends up leaving everyone affected traumatized and with an even greater loss of security and confidence in the world around them.

Ask yourself, “Does continuing to own your business really keep ill health, death and boredom at bay?”

Ironically, perhaps the best time to sell your business is when you don’t have to!  You cannot expect a good deal when your back is against the wall.  Most business owners hesitate to sell when the times are good or to even contemplate their exit.  Selling when there is no other option understandably gets you a less-than-enviable deal.  Any issue such as the business owner getting burnt out, the owner having health issues and/or the business losing a key customer can make a business virtually unsellable, or sellable at a much reduced value.

A burnt out or unhealthy owner does not have the energy and will that’s necessary to keep the business growing and expanding.  Little effort is put in to seek new markets and tap into new customer bases.  The staff may become uninspired, the key customers may head elsewhere and the business may lose its wings.  Buyers aren’t interested in buying businesses on a downward curve.  Many business owners find themselves in similar situations and are forced to sell from a place of weakness, all because they thought they’d know when.

Your retirement plan may completely depend on a successful sale of your business.  If so, you cannot let your declining energies bring down the value of your business.  It is important that you recognize the right time to sell your business and put it up for sale when it is still going strong and you still have stamina.  Buyers are not only interested in stability; they are looking to buy businesses that are likely to grow in the future. 

Think you’ll “know” when it’s time? Think again.  And, then make a plan to begin the journey toward exiting your business without regrets. 

The post Is Dying at Your Desk Noble or Tragic? appeared first on Denise Logan.

Your Life, Simplified, Podcast with Mariner Wealth Advisors:

Transcript:

George Fernandez: Thank you for downloading this episode of “Your Life Simplified”. My name is George Fernandez, and I’ll be your host for this episode. Here at “Your Life Simplified”, we strive to bring you relevant and timely topics that simplify your life.

For business owners out there, there is one particular event that needs simplifying, and that is the transition as you walk away from your business. It is not a matter of if it is going to happen; it is just a matter of when it is going to happen. When that time does come, the question then is: Do you want it to do it on your terms or someone else’s? Here at Mariner Wealth Advisors, we have a specialized group that actually works with our clients and helps them navigate through this process. Whether it’s combining sellers and buyers or buyers and sellers, or negotiating the deal, Tom Tilley of our Mariner Capital Advisors actually works very closely with our clients on this process.

But today, we’re going to focus our attention on another piece of the puzzle. That piece of the puzzle is you, because without realizing it sometimes, we might actually derail the entire process.

Well, to help me understand and better communicate and walk through this process with our clients, I have someone here with me to help us walk through this conversation, Denise Logan, who we call The Seller’s Whisperer, has walked through this with many clients over the last several years to walk through the process of transitioning away from your business and the right way. So, Denise, welcome to the show.

Denise Logan: Hi, George. It’s so nice to be with you today.

George Fernandez: Yes, we’ve had this conversation on many occasions, and it’s really great to kind of gather back together, especially at the time of this particular recording. There’s a lot going on in the economy right now. I would imagine that it is probably affecting business owners as they consider the transition away from their businesses, especially at this time. Before we talk about that, why don’t we give the folks, our listeners, maybe a little background of who you are and how you became The Seller’s Whisperer.

Denise Logan: In my early life, I was a mental health professional, and then I became a lawyer. I watched deals unraveling for all the reasons that were not what was being said. You know, in this market, it’s so valuable to understand what’s going on for an owner. Less than one third of all deals that go to the marketplace actually close. That means that of business owners, only one third of them are actually reaping the wealth from the work that they have spent their lives building, and to me, that’s a tragedy. We spend a lot of time thinking about a wealth event, but if an owner is unable to successfully exit their business, all the planning is for naught.

One of the things that I saw with that low close ratio, was that we needed to try to find another way to help owners navigate the transition. Ten years ago, I started working one-on-one with owners and their advisors to help them navigate those predictable emotional obstacles that can prevent them from letting go, and looking at how to help them avoid what in the industry is called seller’s remorse – owners who do sell their business but then feel sad about it later and wish they hadn’t.

George Fernandez: That’s incredible; I mean, you know, you said that it is one third, and when you think about that, that’s a lot of people. I mean, at last count or the last research I’ve read, there are about 30 million business owners out there, so just one third of them, that’s a lot of business owners out there that do struggle with this whole transition. When you consider that they’ve worked at it their entire lives and this is probably the largest asset that they have, and this is probably the asset that is going to carry them through their own personal retirement, which is a significant issue that we need to look at how we address. I really appreciate the opportunity to be here today.

Let’s kind of dig into top questions to talk about this topic, starting with why do you think some successful business owners have a hard time letting go? Let’s hit that head on right there.

Denise Logan: One of the questions that I always ask an owner when I first meet them is: What does work provide for you? And it’s very easy for the transactional professionals to get focused on the money. Money, of course, is one of the many things that work provides for us, but when we drop down, we should be able to find somewhere between ten and twelve distinct answers to that question: What does work provide? So, aside from money, for many of our owners, it’s a place to go. We’re recording this during the time of coronavirus, when many of us are stuck at home. I’ll bet lots of your listeners could imagine that if they could get out of the house and be someplace else that would be something that work provides. Another thing that work provides for owners is their sense of camaraderie and friendship. For many owners, their employees, their peers, their customers, their vendors, are their friends. George, you and I have had this conversation before, who are your Saturday friends or who are your weekend friends?

George Fernandez: Yeah, exactly.

Denise Logan: Think about those pieces of what’s going on for our owners, when they start to contemplate letting go of their businesses. We want to look at those many things that they’re getting provided. Sometimes it’s power. The things that come up later in answering that question, what does work provide, are the ones that can derail the deal later. Can I tell you the story of one owner?

George Fernandez: Sure.

Denise Logan: You know, we often think that it’s only owners who are of a particular age who will struggle with letting go of their business, but letting go of a business, no matter whether it’s early in your career or later in your career, those same obstacles start to surface. So, this particular owner was in his middle thirties, and he was selling his business. It was a software company on the West Coast. He was set to net sixteen million dollars on the other side of the sale. One day he realized: Who am I going to hang out with during the day? All my buddies have jobs. So he was out one night with a friend and he said that to his buddy, “Who am I going to hang out with?” To which his friend responded, “Boo-hoo, dude, I wish I had your sad little sixteen-million dollar problem!”

George Fernandez: (Chuckles.) Yeah.

Denise Logan: Although that’s a really normal answer to receive for this fellow, the problem didn’t go away. It just went underground and started getting acted out in this deal. The more that was happening, the more the advisors who were involved in that transaction were talking to him about the money he was going to receive. When in reality, he was grieving the loss of many things that work had provided for him.

The owners that successfully exit and have the best post-closing life, that new chapter, are those who have really thought about what work provides and how those needs are going to get met, because the needs don’t just go away just because you get a big sack of cash.

George Fernandez: Yeah, all really great points. It reminds me when we go through traditional wealth planning engagement when we’re not dealing with a business sale. There are really two fundamental questions that we try to address when we have those conversations with clients: what’s the importance of money in their lives, because that’s clearly an important piece when you talk about financial planning, but we also have a second question what’s most important in your life. It’s the convergence of those two questions where real financial planning really sits because the motives and the emotions that you have that are happening behind the scenes, drive your decisions. If things aren’t going well on that side, it will impact how you feel about the transaction, investment, or whatever it is that the financial part of your life has taken care of. It’s all really great points.

Thinking about that process, then, how do we make that process easier for business owners, if that is such a big challenge? How do we make it easier?

Denise Logan: The first part is recognizing that for an owner, this is a transition, it’s not a transaction.

George Fernandez: Got it.

Denise Logan: The lawyer and the banker and the wealth manager and the CPA and maybe even for the buyer, this is a transaction. So, being prepared will help our owners to think in advance: what are the likely emotional obstacles that might come up?

An example is the very first time we poke at financials in the deal, the seller is likely to be filled with shame. Whenever I tell an owner that, they’ll say, “I have nothing to be ashamed of”, and I say, “I know, of course you don’t”. But that moment, when an owner who is used to being the one who knows all the answers, who knows everything about what’s going on in the business, the thought that someone else will be touching those financials, someone might find something they didn’t know about, can trigger a natural emotional reaction for us called shame.

There’s a part of our brain called the amygdala, the fear sensor in our brain, and it is a helpful part of our brain. It’s always looking for danger in the world. The unfortunate thing is it can’t distinguish between real danger and imaginary danger, so sometimes in a situation like that, the amygdala will sense danger: “Omigosh, what if I look dumb?” We’re each wired to handle fear differently, so being able to prepare an owner in advance of many of the emotional parts of what they will face in letting go of their business will help them to navigate it more easily. That’s because a natural reaction when we feel fear or shame is to pull away. So we often see owners do this, we call it approaching a void: “I can come, I want to sell my business”. Then partway through the transaction, they realize the transition is happening, and they get scared and pull back. When an owner pulls away, the likelihood of them returning to the process and having a good result is less. That’s why preparing them in advance for what they’re likely to feel, not just how the transaction will go, but what are the transitional moments. I’m happy to share another story if you’d like.

George Fernandez: Sure, that would be great, if you could give a good example.

Denise Logan: This particular deal was an $85 million dollar sale. Eight weeks before the closing, the owner suddenly announced that he would not take a penny less than nine times that amount. Never mind that he had already signed a letter of intent at 6.2 times. The investment banker called me and said, “I think my seller went crazy”. I said, “Yeah, it sounds like it. Let’s figure out what’s scaring your fellow and what hiding hole he has gone in and see if we can coax him to come back out.” What had happened is the owner’s original plan was to sell the business, buy a sailboat, and sail around the globe. Now, you can get a pretty big boat for $85 million dollars.

George Fernandez: I would think so.

Denise Logan: But two weeks before he asked for this unicorn, his wife said to him, “I’m not doing that. I do not want to be stuck on a boat with you far away from my grandkids. No way.” And can we agree, George, he is not coming back to the deal team to tell them that the deal is off because his wife won’t let him do what he wants to do?

George Fernandez: Yeah. That’s probably not going to happen.

Denise Logan: This was the very first time that the wife had ever said she didn’t want to sail. What so often happens is that owners will talk to us about their dreams and their plans for their future: golf, travel? That is not a real plan. So, when I got involved in this process, I sorted out what was happening between husband and wife. It really wasn’t about the money. That’s where he came back to the deal team and said he wanted more money.

What we did was we created a solution where he would buy the sailboat and sail, and every six weeks, she would take one grandchild, fly to where he was, they would do two weeks on land, building memories with the child, she would fly home, and he would sail on. Boom. The deal was back on track and closed on time at its original price. That’s an example of an owner who almost killed their own deal because of something emotional that makes perfect sense. They were struggling with what we refer to as relational grief. Here’s a couple who had grown apart. We see it in lots of couples where when children first launch, husband and wife look at each other and think, “Who are you? I don’t know if I know you anymore.” For a couple, when they’re selling their business, that’s another moment of relational transition, and if they don’t have common, aligned goals, it’s very easy for the business to become almost like a third child. You want to keep it in the nest, and so exiting owners, when they face that moment, if they haven’t been prepared for it, the deal will fall apart.

George Fernandez: Again, it is very similar to traditional wealth management, when you always want to have the conversation with both spouses. You want to bring out what the individual goals are for each one of the spouses to fully understand directionally where they’re both headed. Hopefully, it’s in alignment, and when it isn’t, at least you’re able to have a conversation and prepare for that.

(Music)

George Fernandez: Thanks again for downloading this episode of “Your Life Simplified”, which is produced by Mariner Wealth Advisors. Here at Mariner Wealth Advisors, we’re here to serve as your advocate. We help people chart a course to reach their personal and financial goals so that they can have greater peace of mind that may lead to a more fulfilling life. We do this by always putting our clients first, because as fiduciaries, we’re required to provide guidance that’s in the best interests of clients, not the best interests of a company, or shareholders, or anyone else. So, as you listen to this podcast and have questions about maybe your own financial situation or would simply like a second opinion, or even if you have an idea for a future podcast, please go ahead and email us at podcastsatmarinerwealthadvisors.com. If you found the information on this podcast valuable, please go ahead and share with a friend or family member that you think might benefit from this information. Please don’t forget to subscribe to this podcast so you don’t miss an episode. Thanks for listening, and now back to the episode.

So, you know, we talked before about preparing for the sale. You mentioned that just briefly in your conversation or comments just now, but do you think owners forget to prepare themselves for that as well? You were talking about at the end when the sale is taking place, but what could they have done beforehand?

Denise Logan: You know, we celebrate Grand Openings of businesses and there’s a lot of, there’s tons of energy put into celebrating new businesses that arise. Yet every owner will leave their business, voluntarily or involuntarily. The reality is that we will. I’ll often hear owners say, “Well, if I sell my business or if I retire”, and I challenge them that the correct word is “when” not “if”.

I think we do forget to prepare for an exit. One of the ways we can help that is to pay attention to, “If next year, you were going to exit your business, how would you be preparing for that?” Because lots of things cause us to exit our business. It can certainly be an economic transition like we’re facing now. It could be unpredictable life events. It could be that you simply get an offer unexpectedly. One of the things that I see happening is that owners often think they have more time. If we ask an owner, “How many more years will you work?” they will almost always say five more years, no matter how old they are, no matter where they are. So helping to think year by year: “Is this the year that I should be selling my business? If something came up, am I prepared? What will life be like on the other side of this business?”

George Fernandez: That’s a really great point. It is interesting that you mention that five more years, five more years, one more year, whatever that is, that number is unique for each individual. I was just talking with someone yesterday, having this discussion and he was sharing a story about how his business partner, who is in his early sixties, passed away suddenly. It was a heart attack, and there was really no time to prepare for that, obviously. The disruption that it created, for the business and for the family and so forth, when you think about business owners who are in that situation, that’s under somebody else’s terms that you are leaving your business. I’m not saying we should prepare for that–but we should prepare for uncertainty, of course.

How else do we prepare? Are there other strategies that you use to help prepare for that inevitability that is going to take place? What are some other ideas? Are there practice runs that you would take? You mentioned power earlier. That made me think about that, if you’re thinking of power, of control, is there preparation you could do to practice letting go before you actually leave to see how well you’re going to do?

Denise Logan: Taking a sabbatical is an excellent approach. Right now, at a time when we’re stuck at home, that’s an interesting experience because to owners who think, “I’m not gonna retire; I’m not just gonna sit around and do nothing,” I say, “Oh, of course you’re not! Who told you that retirement was going to mean sitting around, doing nothing?” Retirement for us, George, will not at all be like it was for our parents and grandparents. We’re not going to find playing golf and waiting for Wheel of Fortune to come on to be as satisfying in retirement.

George Fernandez: (Chuckles) Yeah.

Denise Logan: For many of us, that’s what we saw. When a parent or grandparent retired, that’s all there was to look forward to. Especially right now, when we’re home, often a business owner will think, “Is this it? Will it just be like this, that I’m stuck at home, looking at my spouse and there’s nowhere for us to go?” The truth is, retirement will be what we decide to make it, having very clear first-month, first six months, first twelve months, and first three years–making those kinds of detailed plans. When I hear owners say, “I’ll travel”, I ask, “To where? Let’s map out the first one year to three years of travel. Where will you go? How will you get there? How long will you stay? What will you do there? How long will you be home between trips?” The more clearly we’re able to make those plans, the more likely we are to keep moving forward toward an exit. The mistake is to think that we will just know when it’s time. We never know when it’s time.

George Fernandez: That’s a great point. So, the last question I have here is dealing with something you already said something about. That is seller’s remorse. Do you find yourself in situations where the deal is done but now, “I don’t want to close” or the deal is done, and “I shouldn’t have signed this in the first place; I’ve got seller’s remorse”. How do you manage that?

Denise Logan: Seller’s remorse is a real risk. It is actually the number one reason that deals don’t close after they’ve been through due diligence. The owner suddenly realizes that the needs that were being met by the business other than the financial ones are not aligned yet to be met. I wrote a book called The Seller’s Journey. This particular book is written as a business fable. It’s the story of an owner one year after he sells his business. He goes on a trek across Glacier National Park with his banker, his lawyer, his wealth manager, and the private equity buyer who bought his firm. And, yes, everyone comes back alive.

George Fernandez: (Laughs.) Okay, all right, so it not a thriller, huh? It sounds like the beginning of a joke, right?

Denise Logan: Right. As they cross the glacier, they relate physical obstacles that they face to the emotional obstacles he faced in letting go of his business. One of the really beautiful parts of the trip they took (and it’s based on a trip I took with a client), having that trip in mind was one of the things that allowed him to keep moving forward. He knew where he was going to go, he knew what he was looking forward to. Often, there is a period of transition after they sell the business where they are still working things out. It might be a burn-out period or a training period. The more we’re able to map out what that journey looks like for an owner, the more likely they are to make it all the way through.

For a business owner, this last chapter of their business is the most vexing time in the life of their business. As advisors, we have the ability to help them navigate this and place them gently on the other shore, where they’re looking forward to the next chapter of their lives instead of regretting what they’ve let go. 

George Fernandez: All really great things, for all business owners. I think for all business owners listening, I see the biggest takeaway is that number one, you’re not alone. I think that’s really important. The folks that are working with you, especially if you are working with your wealth advisor alongside you in this process, to understand how this particular transaction (I use that term on purpose, not literally for transition purposes) but the transaction process does have implications for your overall financial health. It is important to ensure that the transaction is going to provide them the transition that they are actually talking about, that you’ve just described, and navigating through that very successfully.

Denise, I really appreciate you giving your time to go through this conversation with me today, especially today, with a lot going on in the economy right now. There’s probably a lot of anxiety out there. As you listen to our financial therapist podcast here a month or so ago, anxiety is normal. It’s just a matter of how we respond to it. You talk a lot about how we respond to all these emotions as they relate to the sale of our business, so I appreciate you going through that with us today.

As we conclude today, I guess what I’d like to do is, as we end all of our conversations. Number one: you’re a business owner. This is going to be your walk at some point in the future as well, but I’d also like to understand: What is the biggest money lesson that you’ve learned in your life?

Denise Logan: I was a business owner and I am now a business owner. In my early life, I built a fairly large law firm in Washington, D.C. When the time came for me to let go, I struggled, a lot, because I had not prepared for how would I navigate that transition. I made a super-ugly, choppy exit from my business, got rid of my house, and bought a motor home. I took off for what I thought would be six months and turned into several years. The motor home was not the bad decision. The difficult financial decision was not having prepared for how and when I would let go of my own business. It absolutely is the reason I do the work I do now, because I realized that I wished there had been someone like me to help me through that. Sometimes we teach what we needed to learn.

George Fernandez: Yes, absolutely, and it’s great that you’re doing this today, I think this is a really great, great service. Thanks, Denise, for being here.

Denise Logan: Nice to be with you, George.

George Fernandez: Thanks again for listening today, and we hope you find the information valuable. One of the things Denise mentioned was that she has a book called The Seller’s Journey. If you’d like a copy of that book, Denise, where can they get a copy?   

Denise Logan: You can purchase it on my website, which is deniselogan.com. It’s a fun little read. I think you’ll enjoy it, and the next thing you know, you’ll be planning a trip of your own.

George Fernandez: Yes, it is a great book, great story, and the train ride was a lot of fun. We thank all of you for listening as well. We hope you found the information valuable. As always, we’d love to hear from you, so let us know how we’re doing by giving us feedback. If you have any ideas for future podcasts, be sure to let us know that too by emailing us at podcastsatmarinerwealthadvisors.com. As always, we encourage you to share the podcast with family and friends, especially those business owners that you know. If they haven’t listened yet, send them a note, and don’t forget to subscribe so you don’t miss any future episode of “Your Life Simplified”. We look forward to being with you again soon. 

The post It’s a Transition, Not a Transaction: Selling Your Business Without Regret (Podcast) appeared first on Denise Logan.

***

It sounds like the beginning to a beautiful story. Yet, when Prince Harry announced that he was stepping down from royal life, the world seemed shocked.  So did the Royal family and their advisors.  But, should they have been?

If their very public drama was playing out in your own family business, which role would be yours? Queen Elizabeth? Prince Charles? Prince William? Prince Harry?  Or one of the many advisors who appeared equally surprised by this seemingly sudden (but all too predictable) turn of events in their client’s family and business?

Come with me as we peek behind the heavy velvet drapes and eavesdrop inside what I imagine as our characters’ private thoughts during this difficult chapter in one of the world’s oldest family businesses.  See if you can spot the similarities to the dragons silently lurking in the shadows of your own story.

***

THE QUEEN … Good grief, I had no idea I would still be running this thing after 70 years! I mean, I guess I should have realized I COULD be, but enough already!  I’m exhausted and frankly sick of this whole business and all the drama it seems to bring with it.  I thought it would be easier by now.

Maybe I could get Boris Johnson to convince Parliament to allow one of those private equity firms to just buy us out and leave all the money to charity to care for my people.  Fat chance of that happening!  I should have asked Winston Churchill to do it years ago, that man seemed to be able to get things done.  Ah well, it’s too late for that now. 

I guess I’m just going to have to accept that I have no choice but to stick it out at this point and reconcile myself to the fact that I’m going to die at my desk one day.  That seems to be the only way I’ll get out of this thing.

And, really, what else would I do with myself anyway?  I guess it’s not that bad and besides there ARE a lot of perks with this job.  It really IS good to be The Queen most days.

At least I don’t have to deal with what I hear those other leaders talking about colloquially as “succession planning.”  They act like it’s something new they’ve dreamed up when we’ve been doing it here for eons. 

But, really!  The way this whole plan was set up gives me no flexibility to decide WHO should come next. Oh well, at least when I’m gone I won’t have to watch what a dog’s dinner my son is going to make of it. 

But I do find myself lying awake at night wondering … Can I possibly hang on long enough to outlive that ninny and pass this whole business directly on to my grandson and that smart little cookie Kate?

***

PRINCE CHARLES … Good Lord, is that woman going to live forever???

I’ve been SOOOO good waiting for my turn all these years.  If I was King, there is so much I could have done by now.  At this rate, by the time I get to run the show, I’ll be so old, I’m not sure it will even matter anymore. 

I’ve spent my whole life just biding my time when I could have been doing something else that I really wanted to.  If I’d known I’d be waiting this long, I might have done exactly what Harry’s done, too. 

But why on earth couldn’t he have just TALKED with me about this before flying off the handle?  How was I to know he felt like that?  We could have found some way to create a role he might have been happy with.  It makes no sense, really.  He’s always known the way this was set up, didn’t he? 

That boy’s always been so hot headed and now that he’s made a big stink about things, it’s embarrassing. He knows better than to hang the family’s dirty laundry in public, we always handle these things our own way.   It’s bad enough we’ve had to deal with the blowback from my brother Andrew’s shenanigans with that nasty fellow Epstein.  And now Mother and I have to find ways to support both Andrew and Harry and keep all that money off the books.  Why couldn’t they have just continued to go along with the ways things have always been done?

I’m too old for all of this although I guess I don’t really have any choice. I’ve already waited this long, but man she seems to have no plans to ever give it up.  I feel bad watching my dad spend all that time alone.  It’s as if she doesn’t even realize what it meant that he gave up his career to support hers. They could be spending this time they have left together before one of them dies.  But she’s so stubborn about never stepping down just because Edward did it and it colors her ability to see what’s best for everyone.   It’s sad but no one should be left hoping their parent dies just so he can finally step into the role he’s been destined for his whole life! 

I wonder if I should find a way to set some mandatory retirement age so I don’t do that to my own kids?  Nah, I’ve waited so long already, I don’t want to cut my time short either.  I guess in some ways I’m just like her.  Besides, I’m sure I’ll be able to hang on to my marbles and do a good job like my Mother has.  What could go wrong?

***

PRINCE WILLIAM … It’s been pretty good being the Prince and, honestly, it’s been reassuring to know so clearly that I’m the heir apparent to all of this. 

My grandmother gives me a lot of latitude and the people seem to really like me, but it does feel like a lot of responsibility and pressure at times.  I probably would have chosen this role anyway.  But it’s a little weird to realize that I never even had an option and, even if I screw it up, there’s no real consequences – well, except, I guess if there’s a revolution, right?  But what’s the chance of that? 

Even though I’ve always been destined for this, and sort of “in training” my whole life, I hope my dad gets to run the show for a while before I become King.  It would suck for him to not have even gotten a turn after waiting all that time. 

I know he’s getting up there in age himself, but I could use a couple more years to watch how it’s done before it’s my turn, especially since it seems like people expect me to walk some fine line between keeping everything the same and modernizing it at the same time. Everything is changing so quickly right now.  Somehow, even though my grandmother was a lot younger than me when she took over, and I’m sure I’d do a great job, I think things were simpler back then. I can’t tell anyone but I kind of like that my role is more “ceremonial” anyway. 

Of course, I am bummed that Harry is gone but, really, we’ve all known he wasn’t ever going to fit in here anyway.  Now I won’t have to worry about all the sibling rivalry stuff I’ve watched my dad and my grandmother deal with. 

I really will have to think about how to prepare for something like that as my kids grow up.  It’s tricky though, right?  I guess I don’t have a lot of choice if I want this thing to continue on beyond me.  It’s easier to just choose George because he’s the oldest.  Still, I’m torn.

I’d kind of like to encourage my own kids to explore their passions.  I sometimes envy Harry for the freedom he’s gotten to just be himself.  I feels kind of cruddy to make the other kids wait in the wings their whole life “just in case” – especially since I’m starting to see that one of them looks like this is a better fit than the others.  But, I’ve got to find a way to keep them all in it so they don’t leave the family high and dry if we need one of them.  That’s probably why all those distant cousins are always getting handed titles and special assignments.  It pays to keep them around even if they are a lot of trouble to manage.

***

PRINCE HARRY … I feel so conflicted all the time. 

Of course, I’m thrilled for my brother Will and I love being an uncle.  I mean, those kids are so cute. 

I’m not even sure I ever really wanted to be King, but even if I did, there was no point in saying it.  Will’s always been the chosen one.  The “Master Plan” was never up for discussion in this family.  Sure, everyone tried to make me feel like I was a part of things, but it’s always been clear that there’s no real role for me here and I was just the backstop.

Will & Kate seem to have no limit on the number of kids they’re going to pump out and the truth is, no matter what I do, I just keep getting pushed further and further back in line.

I mean, it’s great to not have all the pressure on me like he has.  I’ve been able to pretty much do what I wanted and party with the girls and all, but no one really respects me either.  They just want to get close to my family and my influence … Hey, I wonder if that’s what it felt like for Uncle Andrew, knowing Will & I skipped ahead of him.  Oh, wait, he’s even behind my son Archie.  Yikes – he’s had it even worse than me.  I wonder why he never pulled me aside to tell me to be sure to get my own life and interests?  I’ve got to remember to do that for Charlotte and Louis before it’s too late.

Anyway, it’s been rough because, as I’ve gotten older, the family has all these expectations of me.  And now they have them of my wife, too.  For heaven’s sake, they even tell her how to sit and what color nail polish she can wear.  I’m getting sick of taking flak from them and from her on all of this. 

No one even asks what I want!  It’s as if I’m just some cog in their giant machine and they all assume I’ll do whatever they decide.  I’ve tried to talk about it a lot of times but it always falls on deaf ears.  All I get is – “That’s the way we’ve always done things.”

So, you know what? I’m OUT! I’ll show them I don’t need them.  I can be my own man! 

Uh-oh, maybe I should have thought that whole thing through a little more or gotten some advice first.  I wasn’t exactly sure what “financial independence” would look like in the real world and I never really developed another career because I just assumed somehow I’d always be part of the family business.  It’s kind of lonely and I miss some of the things I didn’t realize were part of the business and not mine.  Equally challenging is that being part of this family means there are some other parts of the business and the family that I’m always going to be tied to.  It seems I can’t fully cut ties with them even if I wanted to and there’s not easy way back.  It has been really hard to navigate and I don’t feel like I have anyone to talk to about all this.

***

We know that even fairy tales with glamorous royal characters and access to loads of elder statesmen as advisors don’t always have happy endings.  The truth is that what we’ve seen play out in the House of Windsor is not some novel problem that inexplicably confronts only empty-headed characters in a fairy tale.

***

Every family business, big or small, is filled with predictable emotional turmoil that, when it goes unaddressed, rears its head like fire-breathing dragons – all too often burning down the kingdom, scorching the earth and scarring generations in the process.  We don’t have to leave the characters in our own stories or those of our clients in the dark to fend off these dragons by themselves.

The choice is yours. Are you ready to learn how to bravely leash the dragons of unexpressed emotions and help your people live happily ever after? My book The Seller’s Journey can give you the language to begin those conversations and I’m only a call away to help you, too.

The post Slaying the Emotional Dragons Lurking Inside Every Family Business appeared first on Denise Logan.