This weekend sees the end of March Madness, the NCAA men’s basketball championship tournament.  From now until the final game is played on April 3, film crews will be capturing the most memorable moments – from the joyous to the heartbreaking – to craft into a video montage played at the end of the tournament over one of the most recognizable songs associated with college sports: David Barrett’s “One Shining Moment.”

The Championship games represent the final opportunities this year for these athletes to take a run at the work they love and have poured themselves into for years.  For some of them, it will also be their final time on the court.

Those who are graduating or not returning to the sport the following year will wake up on the morning of April 4 to grapple with some of the same questions about identity, purpose and belonging that the founders of businesses face when they sell their company and step off the court on which they, too, have been playing for years.

I wonder how many coaches and parents and fans are prepared to walk alongside those athletes as they find their new place in the world when March Madness ends?   Who will take that walk with you?

Retirement begins to loom over everyone once they reach a certain age. For athletes, that age typically comes much sooner than for the rest of us.

At some point, Father Time forces every one of us to make a decision: Go out on top, or try to hang on as long as possible. I’m sure you can name some of those athletes who chose the second path and tried to stick around past their expiration dates and saw their legacies take a hit.

Ask any rookie or mid-career athlete what their long-term goal is and they’ll likely tell you it’s to keep playing sports. No one wants to imagine their career coming to an end.

But here’s the thing: It will end eventually. It’s inevitable. And it could come sooner than they think if they’re injured, aged-out of their program, or simply get sick of the daily grind.

The same is true for every business owner.  Although I often hear clients say “I just love being ‘in the game,’” the reality is that, at some point, like every athlete you will leave your business – voluntarily or involuntarily.

So, ask yourself: What do you want to do when your run is over?  When it’s time to step off the court?

Do you want to head into early retirement? Drum up a second career? Or are you aiming to be like those old codgers who try to ignore the fans shouting from the stands “Retire Already!  Hang it Up, Old Man!” Really think about the answer, and then write down anything that come to mind. Your biggest successes may actually come after you exit the game.

Preparing for Retirement is Like Prepping for the Final Game of the Season

Think of retirement as the biggest game of the season. Retirement is a culmination of all the blood, sweat and tears you’ve put into honing your craft. It’s where all the hard work pays off.

But instead of having one season to prepare for the big game (your life after retirement), you have your entire career. There are no do-overs or resets. What you give is what you get.

With this in mind, it’s critical to put a game plan in place now that details how to set yourself up to live the life you want on the other side of the sale of your business.

It’s easy to think the score is marked just by the numbers in your account, or the size of the transaction upon your exit.  But, like the best athletes know, preparing well to transition into life’s next season with confidence and clarity and team mates you want to play with takes some special training.

It’s up to you what scenes are playing in the montage of your life.

Let’s get the conversation started.

The post In One Shining Moment 2023 appeared first on Denise Logan.

The Championship games represent the final opportunities this year for these athletes to take a run at the work they love and have poured themselves into for years.  For some of them, it will also be their final time on the court.

Those who are graduating or not returning to the sport the following year will wake up on the morning of April 6 to grapple with some of the same questions about identity, purpose and belonging that the founders of businesses face when they sell their company and step off the court on which they, too, have been playing for years.

I wonder how many coaches and parents and fans are prepared to walk alongside those athletes as they find their new place in the world when March Madness ends?   Who will take that walk with you?

Retirement begins to loom over everyone once they reach a certain age. For athletes, that age typically comes much sooner than for the rest of us.

At some point, Father Time forces every one of us to make a decision: Go out on top, or try to hang on as long as possible. I’m sure you can name some of those athletes who chose the second path and tried to stick around past their expiration dates and saw their legacies take a hit.

Ask any rookie or mid-career athlete what their long-term goal is and they’ll likely tell you it’s to keep playing sports. No one wants to imagine their career coming to an end.

But here’s the thing: It will end eventually. It’s inevitable. And it could come sooner than they think if they’re injured, aged-out of their program, or simply get sick of the daily grind.

The same is true for every business owner.  Although I often hear clients say “I just love being ‘in the game,’” the reality is that, at some point, like every athlete you will leave your business – voluntarily or involuntarily.

So, ask yourself: What do you want to do when your run is over?  When it’s time to step off the court?

Do you want to head into early retirement? Drum up a second career? Or are you aiming to be like those old codgers who try to ignore the fans shouting from the stands “Retire Already!  Hang it Up, Old Man!” Really think about the answer, and then write down anything that come to mind. Your biggest successes may actually come after you exit the game.

Preparing for Retirement is Like Prepping for the Final Game of the Season

Think of retirement as the biggest game of the season. Retirement is a culmination of all the blood, sweat and tears you’ve put into honing your craft. It’s where all the hard work pays off.

But instead of having one season to prepare for the big game (your life after retirement), you have your entire career. There are no do-overs or resets. What you give is what you get.

With this in mind, it’s critical to put a game plan in place now that details how to set yourself up to live the life you want on the other side of the sale of your business.

It’s easy to think the score is marked just by the numbers in your account, or the size of the transaction upon your exit.  But, like the best athletes know, preparing well to transition into life’s next season with confidence and clarity and team mates you want to play with takes some special training.

It’s up to you what scenes are playing in the montage of your life.

Let’s get the conversation started.

The post In One Shining Moment 2022 appeared first on Denise Logan.

I’ve linked to my Turning the Page exercise so many of you have come to look forward to and, while it might seem easier to just rush past the end of this year, I think you’ll find it even more important to take time to put this year into perspective.

Even though my specialty is helping business owners and their advisors to stay steady in the face of uncertainty as they navigate the sale of the business, we’ve all had to adapt in the face of more uncertainty than any of us thought we could manage through these past two years.  Where have you developed resilience you didn’t know you had? 

While there were plenty of days when I would have liked to just stay in bed, pull the covers over my head and wait for it to all “go back to normal” (and, to be honest, I did a little of that, too!) I turned again and again to my question “What if I had chosen to do things this way?”  Instead of resisting the fact so much remained virtual this year, I focused on adapting to the way things ARE instead of resisting.

It allowed me to shift my demeanor about the experience, to adapt and, as many of you witnessed in event after event that I spoke at by virtual delivery this year, I found a way to bring my inner Miss Nancy into the room, helping people to feel seen and understood.  (If you missed that Romper Room reference, I’ve just shown my age! Forgive me.)  

Asking “What if I had chosen this new way?” kept cracking the door open just beyond my resistance to give me ways to examine why I do what I do on stage in the way I do it, to find creative ways to engage my audiences without relying on the facial and visual cues I had become accustomed to as a speaker from stage.  It helped me to hone my craft as a professional speaker, to create new offerings like my virtual Fireside Chat that advisors used this year to engage their clients and prospects in building trusting relationships as they prepared to sell their businesses.

I got reacquainted with my kitchen, rediscovered the joys of cooking at home and admitted that those 15 pounds I always wondered why I couldn’t drop directly correlated to the quantity of red wine and Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups I consumed (no, not together!) in an effort to stave off boredom while waiting in airport lounges for long-delayed flights.

By the time the second half of the year rolled around, I was able to be out speaking live and in-person again.  I’ve loved seeing so many of you again and am looking forward to more events with you in 2022.  Have you seen my new Speaker Reel that rolled out this year?

I had been writing in my journal for years about needing to dial back some of my travel and I used part of this time at home to get a head start on a special group I’ll be leading just for transitioning CEO’s.  Keep an eye out for some really rich new experiences coming your way in the New Year including The Legacy Dinner and a series of unique events to help Advisors connect with their business owner clients and prospects in ways that will make it easier for deals to close. 

I’m a stickler for completion.  Completing tasks, conversations, relationships.  Most of us are not taught how to make endings, to finish old business, so it doesn’t follow us into the New Year.  We close the books on our businesses, and do year-end reviews with staff, but somehow doing the same work to actively turn the page in our lives and our careers evades us.  I have a solution.

For many years, I’ve been following a simple process to gain perspective on the year as it ends and to intentionally choose what I want to pursue in the year ahead.  Even more effective than New Year Resolutions (which are soon to be broken anyway and usually made without much reflection or planning), I look for patterns, beliefs and circumstances so I can consciously opt into which I carry forward and which I leave behind as I step into a brand new year. 

You know my mantra is Chase What Matters, Do What Counts and this periodic review is the way I hold myself accountable to continuously enhance my life and to winnow out that which doesn’t belong anymore.

It allows me to revisit the pleasures from the year which has passed and begin to make sense of the disappointments and challenges.  Even more, it points the way to issues that I need to seek some help on for the year ahead so I can live the life I intend.  This simple act of closure and completion has been a key part of refining how I run my business and how I lead my life.  It’s a tool I come back to throughout the year, as a blueprint for decision making so I continue to align my choices with what matters.

I have a handy two page list of reflective questions that guides me through a gentle process to close the year with a sense of ease and to outline proactive action steps for the year ahead.  It’s been invaluable to me.  You can find my version here and adapt it for your own use. I’d love to hear what you learn from your own review – drop me a note or let’s do a Zoom.

I’m looking forward to spending time with you in the New Year and to being of service as you Chase What Matters to you.

Happy Holidays!

P.S. I’ve extended the holiday sale on my book The Seller’s Journey  through December 31^st. Now through the end of the year, you can purchase any quantity of The Seller’s Journey at a 15% discount. Simply use coupon code “transition15” at checkout. Grab 10 books to share with key players in your circles of influence as a new way to start conversations that drive meaningful deal flow and see how you close more deals with ease in 2022!  Or buy 100 books and I’ll host a Seminar or Fireside Chat for your team or your clients for free.

The post Turning the Page 2021 appeared first on Denise Logan.

In The Seller’s Journey, the business owner protagonist Marty plans a trip across Glacier National Park with his banker, his lawyer, his wealth advisor, his accountant, and the private equity buyer of his company one year after the sale of his business. 

Often people jokingly ask me, “Which one of them gets shoved down a crevasse on the trip?”

 Not to spoil the ending, but everyone comes back alive AND even closer than they were before the journey. As they cross the glacier, the characters relate the physical challenges they’re facing to the emotional obstacles they faced in selling Marty’s business.

Can your clients imagine going on a trip into the wilderness with you?  What would it mean to your business to have clients who would?

Read on to discover 5 tips for how you can become the Trusted Advisor every client wants to work with:

1.  A Trusted Advisor invests in a relationship, not just a transaction.  Relationships develop over time and the Trusted Advisor is in it for the long run – right from the very beginning – investing time and resources into developing a relationship with the business owner, not just solving the immediate problem, or closing a deal.  The Trusted Advisor knows the impact of what they are providing for this client will live long beyond this momentary interaction.

2.   A Trusted Advisor connects emotionally with their client, listens well, and seeks opportunities to understand them, their business, and what makes them tick.  Yes, getting up close and personal with your client, being authentic and vulnerable allows your client to trust you with their most important issues before they become problems.  The Trusted Advisor knows that this is the single largest transition in their client’s professional career and that attending to those unspoken worries makes all the difference.

3.   A Trusted Advisor is trust worthy.  How do you become worthy of your client’s trust?  By being reliable, available and always putting the client’s interests above those of the advisor.  It seems simple, but are your engagements structured in such a way that your client doesn’t have to wonder where your interests lie?  Will you always tell the client and the others in the process the truth, even when it isn’t necessarily what they want to hear?  Can they trust you to not be the yes man in the room? Not to play hide the ball or take advantage just because others think it’s ok to do so in their practices?  Would your favorite uncle or your mother be proud of how you show up in your deals and with your clients?

4.   A Trusted Advisor anticipates needs not just wants and is generous with information and quality introductions thinking “Who or what might my client need to know?”  The Trusted Advisor is more than just a vendor or a technician. He or she is a channel to other trustworthy people for their client. The Trusted Advisor knows that understanding what their client is faced with helps them get the client and the deal across the finish line with ease and, most importantly, without regrets.  The client of a Trusted Advisor will know he or she can come to them time and again to connect to other resources.

5.  A Trusted Advisor creates peace of mind for their client and becomes someone a client looks forward to sharing with others.  Far too many business owners have been made wary of the process from the horror stories of how nefarious characters in our industry have taken advantage of others.  The Trusted Advisor knows that helping their client feel at ease through one of the most challenging chapters in the life of their business – the exit – serves others well and leads to the kind of referrals that makes their own work feel satisfying.  That sense of ease and peace of mind is priceless, for the Advisor, the client and their referral partners

I wrote The Seller’s Journey from experiences with my own clients and other Trusted Advisors so owners could see and feel what it’s like, to know it’s possible to sell their company with integrity, humanity and feeling understood by their advisors.

Send them a copy of the book and then be your own version of that Trusted Advisor your client is longing for – and watch how easy it is to close trust-filled deals with ease.

The post 5 Tips to Become THE Trusted Advisor Every Client Wants to Work With appeared first on Denise Logan.

We talked about how we had each heard similar stories from friends at the gym and even celebrities seemed to be posting about their angst on our respective social media feeds.  

I remarked how lucky we are to have a name for what we were talking about “Empty Nest Syndrome”.  He nodded his head and said, “Yeah, I guess you’re right, that IS what we’re talking about, isn’t it?”

As you read on, I invite you to think about the similarities our owners face when they sell their business and how our familiarity with the emotional journey of launching our children can help you to care for your client through this very similar moment of transition when letting go of their business. 

While much has been written about how to survive empty nesting and we’re all familiar with couples who, once the children are “out of the nest”, look at each other and wonder “Who are you?” and “Do I even want to find out again?” or “What the heck do I do with myself now?” Many of those relationships don’t survive the existential challenges of reframing the relationship when caregiving for children and mutual parenting responsibilities lay bare what remains of substance in their relationship. 

The same is true for our business owners.  It’s not a coincidence that so many of them think of their business as “their baby”.  They birthed this business, nurtured it through troubled times and watched it grow. When faced with the time to let go and launch it into the world, they understandably experience this same emotional arc of letting go and the concurrent question about their identity without it. 

One of the things that helps parents process the innate sense of disorientation and sometimes surprising sense of emptiness is knowing that it’s perfectly normal.  That what they’re feeling is what tens of millions of other parents are going through in the same moment and that others have survived and gone on to thrive in their post-acute parenting time.  Most people around them recognize what they are experiencing as a normal part of letting go of their children and find support in their family and friends as they work through these feelings. 

What if, as advisors, we helped to prepare our clients for this same perfectly normal period of adjustment.  Instead of ignoring it, shaming them for their feelings or telling them they’ll “get over it” – recognize the transition that they are experiencing.  Bring to your client conversations an awareness of how you have navigated similar emotions when your children launched (or if you haven’t yet launched children, you can draw upon your own experience of the period of uncertainty when YOU left home, or had to leave behind a favorite coach or even sold a home and realized you were leaving behind the oak tree you had planted all those years before).  Come to the conversation with empathy and help normalize the experience, validate their fears, anxiety and worries.  Help your client to reflect upon how they dealt with the similar experience when their children launched (or they left a home they loved, etc.) Because most parents know that what they are experiencing is “empty nest” adjustment, we can laugh about it when we come to the table with one more plate than there are diners that night.  “Oh, that’s right, she’s at college.” We remind ourselves or know to gently comfort our spouse who remarks, “It’s so quiet here now.  I miss him.” Even though just weeks ago he was shouting up the stairs, “Turn down the music!” or “Why can’t you remember to turn off the lights!”  Oddly now we feel a little lost longing for those same things that annoyed us so recently.  If we didn’t know this was normal, we’d feel crazy. 

That’s exactly what our business owner client feels when she finds herself about to turn into the parking lot of the business she already sold, when she was actually headed somewhere else.  Her brain was on auto pilot, going to work was such a part of her routine.  Of course, it feels jarring to suddenly find herself in the parking lot where she no longer belongs.  She might feel embarrassed and hope no one saw her.  Or she might want to just pop in and say hello to her former employees.   

Likewise, the owner who was absolutely fed up with all the employees’ shenanigans and swore they wouldn’t miss it one single bit needs our compassion when the nostalgia appears and they question “maybe it wasn’t really all that bad” wondering if they made a mistake in their decision to sell. 

As parents, we remember that it was always our goal to raise this child and launch them into the world.  That this was what we were working toward and is actually a marker of our success as parents.  We kept them safe until adulthood (or this reasonable facsimile of adulthood!) and instilled in them the basics to begin making their way into the world.   Such is true for our business owners.  Their goal was always to build something successful and sell it or turn it over to the next generation, a means to harvest the wealth from their labors to fund their future or that of their family.   

But, then again, we experience the emptiness of the space in our home and in our routine that the now-launched child or business used to fill and find ourselves surprised by the depth of conflicting emotions and loss. 

We, and they, let go of the roles and routines and step herky-jerky into our new not-quite-so-clear and definitely less comfortable routines and roles.  We begin to discover who we are, other than Drew’s mom or Tory’s dad or the owner of XYZ Company.  Perhaps we pick up hobbies we enjoyed earlier in our life or had deferred because of our parenting responsibilities or realize we have no outside interests and feel ashamed and worried we won’t find anything to occupy our time.   

We try to navigate friendships that were forged with the parents of our children’s friends or with our employees and business associates. We discover those friendships drifting and realize that they were based on common interests we no longer share and question if those friendships were even real.  As empty nesters and former business owners, we are faced with the prospect of making new friends as adults and it can feel scary. 

Years ago, a close friend confided that she and her husband were thinking of having another baby since they missed their daughter who had just gone off to college.  I remarked, “But you’re finally free!” to which she replied, “It doesn’t feel free, it just feels … well … empty.  We loved being involved parents with our daughter.”  Sound familiar?  How many of your business owner clients dive right back into another business within a few months to avoid the emotions involved in forging a new identity?  Metaphorically, having another baby. 

Make good use of this season of launching to notice how you and the people around you are practicing the art of letting go and bring those lessons and that empathy into your work with owners all year long.   

I know I say it all the time but it’s true – it really IS a transition, not a transaction – and when we treat it that way, everyone wins. 

The post The Art of Letting Go: What Parents of College Freshmen and Business Owners Have in Common appeared first on Denise Logan.

The Championship games represent the final opportunities this year for these athletes to take a run at the work they love and have poured themselves into for years.  For some of them, it will also be their final time on the court.

Those who are graduating or not returning to the sport the following year will wake up on the morning of April 6 to grapple with some of the same questions about identity, purpose and belonging that the founders of businesses face when they sell their company and step off the court on which they, too, have been playing for years.

I wonder how many coaches and parents and fans are prepared to walk alongside those athletes as they find their new place in the world when March Madness ends?   Who will take that walk with you?

Retirement begins to loom over everyone once they reach a certain age. For athletes, that age typically comes much sooner than for the rest of us.

At some point, Father Time forces every one of us to make a decision: Go out on top, or try to hang on as long as possible. I’m sure you can name some of those athletes who chose the second path and tried to stick around past their expiration dates and saw their legacies take a hit.

Ask any rookie or mid-career athlete what their long-term goal is and they’ll likely tell you it’s to keep playing sports. No one wants to imagine their career coming to an end.

But here’s the thing: It will end eventually. It’s inevitable. And it could come sooner than they think if they’re injured, aged-out of their program, or simply get sick of the daily grind.

The same is true for every business owner.  Although I often hear clients say “I just love being ‘in the game,’” the reality is that, at some point, like every athlete you will leave your business – voluntarily or involuntarily.

So, ask yourself: What do you want to do when your run is over?  When it’s time to step off the court?

Do you want to head into early retirement? Drum up a second career? Or are you aiming to be like those old codgers who try to ignore the fans shouting from the stands “Retire Already!  Hang it Up, Old Man!” Really think about the answer, and then write down anything that come to mind. Your biggest successes may actually come after you exit the game.

Preparing for Retirement is Like Prepping for the Final Game of the Season

Think of retirement as the biggest game of the season. Retirement is a culmination of all the blood, sweat and tears you’ve put into honing your craft. It’s where all the hard work pays off.

But instead of having one season to prepare for the big game (your life after retirement), you have your entire career. There are no do-overs or resets. What you give is what you get.

With this in mind, it’s critical to put a game plan in place now that details how to set yourself up to live the life you want on the other side of the sale of your business.

It’s easy to think the score is marked just by the numbers in your account, or the size of the transaction upon your exit.  But, like the best athletes know, preparing well to transition into life’s next season with confidence and clarity and team mates you want to play with takes some special training.

It’s up to you what scenes are playing in the montage of your life.

Let’s get the conversation started.

The post In One Shining Moment appeared first on Denise Logan.

***

CLOSING THE BOOK ON 2021

1. What did I embrace in 2021?
2. What did I let go of in 2021?
3. What changed for me in 2021?
4. What did I discover about myself in 2021?
5. What was I most grateful for in 2021?
6. When did fear hold me back in 2021?
7. Where did I demonstrate courage in 2021?
8. What surprised me in 2021?
9. What made me smile in 2021?
10. What were my 3 most significant accomplishments in 2021? For each, list the following:
    1. The skills that helped me to make it happen
    2. How my life changed because of it
    3. What I learned about myself
    4. How did I celebrate/acknowledge (or, if I didn’t, how can I do it for future accomplishments)
11. What were my 3 most significant challenges in 2021? There may be more than 3, use the ones that come to mind first.  They may have tested my limits, my patience or may be big or small.  For each, list the following:
    1. How did I deal with this challenge
    2. What new tools or allies did I uncover that I could use in the future
    3. How did my life change because of this challenge (even if it’s not yet concluded, what would feel good from the challenge in the end)
12. What was my favorite moment of 2021? (Get in touch with the sights, smells, sounds, who was or wasn’t there, what was I doing, what made it amazing?)
13. What were the gifts from 2021? What really stands out and mattered to me?
14. Is there anything from 2021 that I need to still let go of, say goodbye to or forgive myself (or someone else for) or just need to empty onto the page?

Summarize 2021 in 3 words

***

OPENING TO THE STORY YET TO BE WRITTEN FOR 2022

1. What am I looking forward to in 2022?
2. What am I feeling apprehensive about for the year ahead?
3. What life lessons am I taking into 2022?
4. What area of my life do I most want to develop in 2022?
5. What part of myself do I long to nurture in 2022?
6. Fast forward to December 2022.  I’m sitting in a café, musing over the last 12 months, where do I want to be …
   1. … in my work and wealth
   2. … in my relationships
   3. … in my free time and my sense of meaning
   4. … in my body and my home
7. 3 unhelpful beliefs I’m ready to release
8. 3 duties or commitments I’m ready to let go of
9. 3 interests, skills or hobbies I’d like to learn or improve
10. 3 things about myself I positively love
11. 3 ways I could be kinder to my body this year
12. 3 dreams to bring to life this year (personal or professional)
13. How can I bring more of a sense of calm and grounding into my life this year?
14. My secret wish for 2022 is …

My Blueprint for 2022:

This year will be the year I finally ….

I will nourish myself with …

I will make more time for …

I will recharge my batteries by …

I will open my heart to …

I will pay more attention to …

I will learn more about …

I will release my attachment to …

I will say no to …

I will say yes to …

And, because of this, in 2021, I will feel …

I fully believe in the possibilities that await me in 2021 and all that it holds for me.

Signed: _______________

***

The post Reflective Questions to Contemplate as You Turn the Page appeared first on Denise Logan.

Advisors and business owners who feel honored to work with each other close deals at substantially higher rates and are happier with the outcomes, which leads to more high quality referrals – repeating the cycle of success again and again.

In The Seller’s Journey I tell the story of an owner who was so grateful to the advisors who helped him sell his business that he invited them to join him on an epic trip across Glacier National Park to celebrate his success. Along the way, they relate the physical challenges they face crossing the glacier to the emotional obstacles he overcame in letting go of his business without regrets.

What if you could cultivate those kinds of results in your own deals with just a few simple tweaks?  You can.

And, for the next three weeks, you can get copies of the book at 15% off so you can share it with your own clients, prospects and deal partners.  Grab your copies here.

For more on the science behind why that kind of gratitude leads to higher close ratios, more referrals, and greater satisfaction for everyone involved, read on …

Robert Emmons, the world’s leading scientific expert on gratitude, has been studying its effects on physical health, on psychological well-being, and on our relationships with others for more than a decade.

Emmons and his colleagues studied more than one thousand people, from ages eight to 80, and found that people who practice gratitude consistently report a host of benefits:

Physical

• Stronger immune systems
• Less bothered by aches and pains
• Lower blood pressure
• Exercise more and take better care of their health
• Sleep longer and feel more refreshed upon waking

Psychological

• Higher levels of positive emotions
• More alert, alive, and awake
• More joy and pleasure
• More optimism and happiness

Social

• More helpful, generous, and compassionate
• More forgiving
• More outgoing
• Feel less lonely and isolated.

The social benefits are especially significant here because, after all, gratitude is a social emotion. It is a relationship-strengthening emotion because it requires us to see how we’ve been supported and affirmed by other people.

Indeed, this cuts to very heart of the definition of gratitude, which has two components. First, it’s an affirmation of goodness. We affirm that there are good things in the world, gifts and benefits we’ve received. This doesn’t mean that life is perfect; it doesn’t ignore complaints, burdens, and hassles. But when we look at life as a whole, gratitude encourages us to identify some amount of goodness in our life.

The second part of gratitude is figuring out where that goodness comes from. We recognize the sources of this goodness as being outside of ourselves. It didn’t stem from anything we necessarily did ourselves in which we might take pride. We can appreciate positive traits in ourselves, but true gratitude involves a humble dependence on others: We acknowledge that other people—or even higher powers, if you’re of a spiritual mindset—gave us many gifts, big and small, to help us achieve the goodness in our lives.  That’s what we see playing out among the characters in The Seller’s Journey – they realize the success of the deal was dependent upon all of them and how they worked together.

What good is gratitude?

So what’s really behind Emmons’ research results—why might gratitude have these transformative effects on people’s lives and on your business success?

I think there are several important reasons, but Emmons highlights four in particular.

First, Gratitude allows us to celebrate the present. It magnifies positive emotions.

Research on emotion shows that positive emotions wear off quickly. Our emotional systems like newness. They like novelty. They like change. We adapt to positive life circumstances so that before too long, the new car, the new spouse, the new house—they don’t feel so new and exciting anymore.

But gratitude makes us appreciate the value of something, and when we appreciate the value of something, we extract more benefits from it; we’re less likely to take it for granted.  Like the relationships with our clients and our colleagues.

Gratitude allows us to participate more in life. We notice the positives more, and that magnifies the pleasures you get from life. Instead of adapting to goodness, we celebrate goodness. We spend so much time watching things—movies, computer screens, sports—but with gratitude we become greater participants in our lives as opposed to spectators.  Business owners and their advisors who are actively experiencing gratitude, are more engaged in the process of the sale.

Next, Gratitude blocks toxic, negative emotions, such as envy, resentment, regret—emotions that can destroy our happiness and often derail our deals.

This makes sense: You cannot feel envious and grateful at the same time. They’re incompatible feelings. If you’re grateful, you can’t resent someone for having something that you don’t or fear that they will take advantage of you. Those are very different ways of relating to the world, and sure enough, research has suggested that people who have high levels of gratitude have low levels of resentment and envy and are more collaborative.  Want less Seller’s Remorse and conflict in your deals? Cultivate gratitude in yourself and your clients.

And, Grateful people are more stress resistant. There’s a number of studies showing that in the face of serious trauma, adversity, and suffering, if people have a grateful disposition, they’ll recover more quickly. I believe gratitude gives people a perspective from which they can interpret negative life events and help them guard against post-transaction stress and lasting anxiety.  They’re able to see the deal to a conclusion rather than bail when things get tough.

Plus, Grateful people have a higher sense of self-worth. When you’re grateful, you have the sense that someone else is looking out for you—someone else has provided for your well-being, or you notice a network of relationships, past and present, of people who are responsible for helping you get to where you are right now.

Once you start to recognize the contributions that other people have made to your life—once you realize that other people have seen the value in you—you can transform the way you see yourself and trust the others in the transaction more.

Challenges to gratitude

Just because gratitude is good doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Practicing gratitude can be at odds with some deeply ingrained psychological tendencies.

One is the “self-serving bias.” That means that when good things happen to us, we says it’s because of something we did, but when bad things happen, we blame other people or circumstances.

Gratitude really goes against the self-serving bias because when we’re grateful, we give credit to other people for our success. We accomplished some of it ourselves, yes, but we widen our range of attribution to also say, “Well, my customers gave me this opportunity.” Or, “I had mentors. I had advisors, peers—other people assisted me along the way.” That’s very different from a self-serving bias or the myth of “the self-made man” (or woman).

Gratitude also goes against our need to feel in control of our environment. Sometimes with gratitude you just have to accept life as it is and be grateful for what you have.  We could use some of that these days, as so much seems to feel outside of our control.  For owners and advisors who react poorly to uncertainty, gratitude is a useful tool to restore perspective and balance.

Finally, gratitude contradicts the “just-world” hypothesis, which says that we get what we deserve in life. Good things happen to good people, bad things happen to bad people. But it doesn’t always work out that way, does it? Bad things happen to good people and vice versa.

With gratitude comes the realization that we get more than we deserve. Emmons recalls a comment by a man at a talk he gave on gratitude. “It’s a good thing we don’t get what we deserve,” the man said. “I’m grateful because I get far more than I deserve.”

This goes against a message we get a lot in our contemporary culture: that we deserve the good fortune that comes our way; that we’re entitled to it. If you deserve everything, if you’re entitled to everything, it makes it a lot harder to be grateful for anything.  Grateful participants are less selfish and more inclined to work toward win-win solutions for everyone.

Cultivating gratitude

Partly because these challenges to gratitude can be so difficult to overcome, how can we go beyond just occasionally feeling more grateful to actually becoming a more grateful person?

A simple gratitude journal exercise works – just beginning or ending each day or meeting with a simple list of three things to be grateful for.

At home, you can also use concrete reminders to practice gratitude, which can be particularly effective in working with children, who aren’t abstract thinkers like adults are. For instance, I read about a woman in Vancouver whose family developed this practice of putting money in “gratitude jars.” At the end of the day, they emptied their pockets and put spare change in those jars. They had a regular reminder, a routine, to get them to focus on gratitude. Then, when the jar became full, they gave the money in it to a needy person or a good cause within their community.

Practices like this can not only teach children the importance of gratitude but can show that gratitude impels people to “pay it forward”—to give to others in some measure like they themselves have received.

The way we practice gratitude in our personal life influences how readily we can cultivate it with our clients and deal partners, too.

Power up Your Gratitude Practice a Notch

I personally have a more direct practice – each time I purchase something beyond a basic necessity, I match that same amount for a charity.  I make the matching donations every month, instead of at the end of the year, to keep me in touch with the reality of all that I have and to keep myself connected to how grateful I am all year in little ways, not just at tax time for a deduction.

For example, I recognize that I’m fortunate enough to be able to dine out whenever I want, and that’s a luxury others who are struggling to feed their families don’t have.  So each month, I calculate the amount I spent on dining out and contribute that amount to a local food pantry.  If I can eat out, others should at least be able to eat that month.

When I take a vacation, I match that same amount to an organization that provides housing for homeless.  It’s a luxury to be able to leave my comfortable home and go somewhere else – others should at least be able to have a safe roof over their heads, no?

When I purchase a sweater or new shoes, I contribute that same amount to an organization that helps women prepare to re-enter the workforce.

You get the picture.  Even with all the challenges we’re facing in these tumultuous times – there’s a lot to be thankful for in my life and I’ll bet in yours, too.  Making these contributions monthly, rather than annually has helped me to become more mindful of all that I have instead of feeling miserly.  It keeps me conscious of the value of what I am spending money on, as I make decisions, rather than wondering where money went at the end of the year and thinking something selfish like “Oh, I can’t really afford to make a contribution right now.”

Because I’m making these contributions monthly, I’m more in touch with the abundance I have, it’s cultivating my gratitude much more directly and I’m happier with what I have.  It allows me to behave more generously with my clients and peers and, as a side benefit, I value each purchase I make more than I did before I undertook this tangible practice of both thanks and giving.

Each time I make a non-essential purchase, I ask how much I really want it.  Do I want whatever it is enough to also make sure someone else less fortunate has an essential version of my luxury?  I’ve found that I value the sweater much more, knowing that someone else also has something warm and lovely to wear.  I enjoy my vacation away from home so much more, knowing someone else has a home to spend those nights in safely. I enjoy my meal out, knowing someone else’s belly is also full that night.  It makes me look for ways to express that gratitude in my personal and professional relationships – to look for ways to ease the challenges others are facing.

This week (and in the ones to come) as you celebrate Thanksgiving and our upcoming holidays, know how grateful I am to be part of this professional community with you.  I hope you find many ways to Give Thanks and feel the rewards that come from living with gratitude.

And, if it feels right to you to share copies of The Seller’s Journey with your clients, prospects and deal partners, you can grab your discounted copies here through December 15th.

The post Why Gratitude Is Good for You appeared first on Denise Logan.

You know what’s scary?  Leaving.  Even when it’s your choice.  I know because last week I made a difficult decision to step away from an important relationship.  It was the right decision, and I didn’t make it lightly, but that didn’t seem to matter to my rollicking emotional brain.  In fact, it had me up at 3am – both on nights before and after I made and shared my decision. 

This experience reminded me of what our clients go through when deciding to sell and leave their businesses.  This monster is called Seller’s Remorse.  It kills way too many deals, but it doesn’t have to.

The monster under the bed: Am I making the right decision?

Change is hard, whether or not you’re the person who made the decision.  One person might be left wondering “What the heck just happened?”  Sometimes that person is also the one who made the decision.

Making decisions and adjusting to the change that follows can create a paralyzing fear that leaves us waffling, prone to indecision and often second guessing ourselves.  It’s our brain adjusting to what’s called Cognitive Dissonance.  You can read more on cognitive dissonance here but for our purposes it’s what happens as our brain is jumping back and forth between two different scenarios that it can’t reconcile.  At least, not yet. 

It takes time for our brains and our bodies to adjust to something new.  I’ve found myself waking in the night, doing the hard work of letting go of what was and aligning to what IS, without yet knowing what will be.  I’m missing the familiar and comforting routines, the regular contact, sharing news of the day and still reconciling to the reality that what I thought my future would look like will actually be different.

That’s what our clients go through, too.  If they’re not prepared for it, it can (and too often does) derail their deal.

Why the jitters?:  Cognitive dissonance is a very real effect of change but it doesn’t mean the decision was wrong.

I was talking with my college roommate on Saturday and heard a version of this same experience from her.  She lives in Texas and her daughter and son-in-law live in Colorado.  My friend and her husband have spoken for several years about moving closer to their kids. Their daughter had a baby this summer and the longing to live closer has become even stronger, as you might imagine.  Two weeks ago, they made an offer on a house near her daughter and the offer was accepted.  Immediately she was filled with both excitement and something she couldn’t quite name – maybe regret.

Within days of returning home, they had several offers on their old house.  It means they can get on with the good stuff in their new home right away.  But my friend is also sad about leaving the house that she and her husband put so much effort into making right for them.  She told me that she was struggling because she loved this house and can’t quite imagine not living in it.  She felt embarrassed that she was torn between being with her daughter and her grandson and the house she also loved.  “It’s just a house!” she tried to reassure herself.  Adding to her confusion is that she really likes the house she is moving to. 

This is classic cognitive dissonance in action – her brain is trying to reconcile two different scenarios … living in the house she thought they would stay in forever and living in the new house she also loves, closer to her daughter.  Her brain can’t yet reconcile the two different versions of her future.  The good news is that, eventually, and with enough care, it will.

Fear buster:  Letting go is a process, not a moment in time – even if the leaving is.

It made me remember a day more than two decades ago.  The last moving truck, filled with the furniture and files and things that had made up my law firm was loaded.  In my effort to spot the truck as it rounded the corner, I bumped my head against the window of my now-empty office.  I didn’t think I had hit my head that hard.  Then I realized it wasn’t hitting my head that had triggered the tears.  The business I had spent more than a decade building now belonged to someone else.  Someone else would care for my clients, my employees, the pieces of a business I had painstakingly curated over the years. 

“But, this is what I wanted,” I kept repeating to myself.  Yet I was still sad.  At the time, I found it hard to reconcile two conflicting feelings – relief and regret.  Even more feelings kept surfacing, demanding to be reconciled, creating even more cognitive dissonance.  Fear and exhilaration and sadness and uncertainty, sometimes even anger and shame.  I stood there second-guessing myself – even though one part of me knew with certainty that the decision was the right one – and the moving truck had already pulled away from the building.  The deal was done.

In the days and weeks that followed, I kept waking up in the middle of the night – confused and uncertain – having to remind myself that YES I had left my business.  I found the lack of routine, and the freedom it brought, unsettling – even though I had longed for those very things.  Some days I was thrilled and lounged about with my tea on the deck, so happy to not have to go anywhere or do anything.  Other days I roamed the house like a lost soul, or found it difficult to even get out of bed.

Thoughts of clients and employees drifted in and out of my head and I had to resist the urge to pick up the phone or jot a note about something to tell them.  Reminding myself that I was no longer responsible for them.  I wanted to just check in, see how things were, catch up with my peers.  But their lives and mine had gone in different directions and what we had in common was drifting.  They no longer needed or sought my input on things.  While I was glad I had exited my business, I was also questioning whether it had been the right decision.  Some days, I flat out felt like a crazy person as my brain whip-sawed between the two thoughts.

It took longer than I thought for this to settle down in my brain and in my body.  My body knew what time it used to get up, the route to the office.  It surprised me that sometimes I accidentally found myself driving toward the office that was no longer mine.  Recalling the rhythm of my old life, my brain and my body recalled that such and such date was when an industry conference always happened – one that I had enjoyed but no longer had a reason to attend.

Eventually, I settled into a new rhythm, a new life, actually happy – although occasionally one of those old thoughts would pop into my head surprising me. 

What Can You Do:  For the Owner, this is a Transition not just a Transaction

Because of my own experience, I remind advisors to stay focused on how this will impact their clients beyond just the economics and the importance of providing support as they transition.  I didn’t know that was what I would be feeling then.  In fact, it surprised me at the time that I felt what I did – and for so long.  Honestly, even knowing that this was likely, it continues to surprise me in the days after ending this recent relationship.  It’s likely that my friend will continue to be surprised by it in the weeks ahead as they pack up their house and move into the new one closer to her daughter.

One of the reasons I’m so focused on helping owners and their advisors remember that this is a transition even more than a transaction is because it’s so easy for advisors to close their files and move on to the next deal – leaving an owner all alone with these surprising feelings.  Too often, the advisors or family members and friends of the owner think that the enthusiasm and relief and accompanying financial windfall will be enough.  They seem perplexed by this emotional maelstrom that sets in, the malaise and ennui (and regret) saying “But I thought this was what you wanted!”

Yes, it IS what the owner wanted.  Just like my friend who wants to live close to her daughter and grandson.  Just like I wanted to sell my business and be freed of the pressures.  Just like you wanted your teenager to launch off to college, but still find yourself surprised that you need to set one less plate at the dinner table or miss stumbling over their lacrosse gear at the back door. 

If we’re not careful with this, when the 3am boogie man thoughts surface for our clients, they will accidentally kill their own deals to relieve the distress from the cognitive dissonance.  But they don’t have to stay stuck and we don’t have to let them navigate it alone.  We can do better – for them and for ourselves.  Feeling paralyzing uncertainty is part of the process.  Second guessing is natural.  Wanting to stay with what feels familiar makes sense, even when staying is the wrong choice. Feeling sad is normal.  Missing what was and forgetting that things are different now makes sense.  Yes, even when you’ve wanted what you got and got what you wanted.  All of that is true, and there is a gradual letting go … a reconciling of what WAS with what IS. 

I find myself missing my special person and know that, for a time, I am likely to still wake up in the night – surprised by the fact that I have forgotten that we’re no longer together.  Surprised by a sense of longing for what was and, yes, even surprised that I am surprised; sad while also knowing that it was the right decision.

How can you help? Endings matter, so prepare for it, stay connected – it’s in your interest, too

Normalize the experience, help your owners to expect it (and to also let them know that it’s normal to underestimate or even discount that they will feel this) just like it is normal to forget or to second guess a decision once it’s been made.  It’s a transition.  If you think it will help, give them a copy of The Seller’s Journey a business fable about how another owner navigated the emotions as he prepared for the sale of his business and throughout the year following his exit. Stay connected to them, help them and the people who will support them to also know what to expect – hiding the feelings or being ashamed of them leaves them stuck and alone.

Don’t forget that this cognitive dissonance also happens for our owners’ employees, customers, vendors, and family members, too.  Even for the deal team – there is an emotional process to go through to reach completion and closure – whether a deal concludes or crashes and burns.  Just closing the file, cashing the check or hosting a closing dinner doesn’t mean it’s “over” for everyone.  

Endings matter. Owners who get the support they need when things go bump in the night settle soundly on the other side and go on to live happily ever after and tell all their friends you can help them write their story that way too. And the advisors who learn how to navigate this process are rewarded with work that makes a difference in their clients’ lives and the referrals that prove it. Call me, I can help.

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One of them I’ll call “Brian” announced he had no plans to retire – “Not me,” he said.  “I’m planning to die at my desk.” When I asked him why, he responded, “Because it’s the only place I feel truly alive.”  Ouch.  I wondered what it must be like to be his wife or children and know that the place he felt most alive was at work, not with them.

Last month, Brian died quite suddenly, and his wife, Barbara, told me “My husband thought it was a joke to say he’d ‘die at his desk and leave me wealthy and in charge of the business.’” Her voice broke.  “It was no joke when my ability to grieve his unexpected death was sidelined by all the clients, staff and vendors who needed my attention.  The reality according to our advisors is that the estate will receive only a fraction of the business’ worth and, if he wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him for leaving me in this mess.”  The sad news is that this was avoidable. 

Another executive at that same retreat said he was delaying the sale of his business because he was afraid of running out of money.  A third said that he had heard too many horror stories about company owners who dropped dead right after selling their companies and he had no intention of becoming one of them who died of boredom.

I pushed back a bit on these fellows – what if the reason that an owner died shortly after selling his business wasn’t because he sold too soon but because he sold too late?  Perhaps he waited until his health was failing and “had” to retire.  As for dying of boredom, I asked them to consider the state of their relationships in the context of research that shows loneliness is as bad for your health as smoking or obesity.

Steve Croft shared a brief anecdote that his 60 Minutes colleague Morley Safer had warned him “Don’t stay too long, Steve”.  Morley died of pneumonia at age 84 one week after retiring after 46 years at the show.  Think he might have stayed too long? How is it that you think you’ll “just know” when he didn’t?

Retirement Feels Like Death to Me

Retirement is 10^th on the list of the top 50 most stressful life events (according to the American Institute of Stress) – 6 points above financial stress – but in the same decile as things like death of a spouse (or a child) and divorce.   It’s actually no surprise that we find retirement, death and divorce in the same stress bucket.  They’re all transitions and, transitions can feel stressful, especially when we don’t talk about and prepare for them.  But, the truth is, it doesn’t have to be this way. 

More than sixty percent of business owners think they will “know” when it’s time to retire and will be able to plan for a sale when that time comes.  As a consequence, fewer than thirty percent of business owners have an exit strategy or succession plan in the event of their unexpected departure or death.  Many of them play the “One More Year” game, assuming that time is on their side and that they can safely continue to delay the inevitable.

The problem is that there is a significant disconnect between when people THINK they’ll retire and when they ACTUALLY retire. Almost half of the population (48%) incurs an unplanned retirement event – often to cope with a health problem or disability of their own or to care for a spouse or other family member.   That’s a huge problem. 

The reality is that every owner will leave their business, with or without a plan. 

The result is that in an effort to maximize economic security by focusing our attention on “getting just a bit more” we perpetuate the twin myths of “Time is Money” and “I’ll Know When It’s Time” ignoring a huge risk.  Then, when an unexpected departure happens, the capacity and stamina of those who need it most to get through a transition is significantly diminished.  The result is that the failure to plan for an inevitable transition ends up leaving everyone affected traumatized and with an even greater loss of security and confidence in the world around them.

Ask yourself, “Does continuing to own your business really keep ill health, death and boredom at bay?”

Ironically, perhaps the best time to sell your business is when you don’t have to!  You cannot expect a good deal when your back is against the wall.  Most business owners hesitate to sell when the times are good or to even contemplate their exit.  Selling when there is no other option understandably gets you a less-than-enviable deal.  Any issue such as the business owner getting burnt out, the owner having health issues and/or the business losing a key customer can make a business virtually unsellable, or sellable at a much reduced value.

A burnt out or unhealthy owner does not have the energy and will that’s necessary to keep the business growing and expanding.  Little effort is put in to seek new markets and tap into new customer bases.  The staff may become uninspired, the key customers may head elsewhere and the business may lose its wings.  Buyers aren’t interested in buying businesses on a downward curve.  Many business owners find themselves in similar situations and are forced to sell from a place of weakness, all because they thought they’d know when.

Your retirement plan may completely depend on a successful sale of your business.  If so, you cannot let your declining energies bring down the value of your business.  It is important that you recognize the right time to sell your business and put it up for sale when it is still going strong and you still have stamina.  Buyers are not only interested in stability; they are looking to buy businesses that are likely to grow in the future. 

Think you’ll “know” when it’s time? Think again.  And, then make a plan to begin the journey toward exiting your business without regrets. 

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