In The Seller’s Journey, the business owner protagonist Marty plans a trip across Glacier National Park with his banker, his lawyer, his wealth advisor, his accountant, and the private equity buyer of his company one year after the sale of his business. 

Often people jokingly ask me, “Which one of them gets shoved down a crevasse on the trip?”

 Not to spoil the ending, but everyone comes back alive AND even closer than they were before the journey. As they cross the glacier, the characters relate the physical challenges they’re facing to the emotional obstacles they faced in selling Marty’s business.

Can your clients imagine going on a trip into the wilderness with you?  What would it mean to your business to have clients who would?

Read on to discover 5 tips for how you can become the Trusted Advisor every client wants to work with:

1.  A Trusted Advisor invests in a relationship, not just a transaction.  Relationships develop over time and the Trusted Advisor is in it for the long run – right from the very beginning – investing time and resources into developing a relationship with the business owner, not just solving the immediate problem, or closing a deal.  The Trusted Advisor knows the impact of what they are providing for this client will live long beyond this momentary interaction.

2.   A Trusted Advisor connects emotionally with their client, listens well, and seeks opportunities to understand them, their business, and what makes them tick.  Yes, getting up close and personal with your client, being authentic and vulnerable allows your client to trust you with their most important issues before they become problems.  The Trusted Advisor knows that this is the single largest transition in their client’s professional career and that attending to those unspoken worries makes all the difference.

3.   A Trusted Advisor is trust worthy.  How do you become worthy of your client’s trust?  By being reliable, available and always putting the client’s interests above those of the advisor.  It seems simple, but are your engagements structured in such a way that your client doesn’t have to wonder where your interests lie?  Will you always tell the client and the others in the process the truth, even when it isn’t necessarily what they want to hear?  Can they trust you to not be the yes man in the room? Not to play hide the ball or take advantage just because others think it’s ok to do so in their practices?  Would your favorite uncle or your mother be proud of how you show up in your deals and with your clients?

4.   A Trusted Advisor anticipates needs not just wants and is generous with information and quality introductions thinking “Who or what might my client need to know?”  The Trusted Advisor is more than just a vendor or a technician. He or she is a channel to other trustworthy people for their client. The Trusted Advisor knows that understanding what their client is faced with helps them get the client and the deal across the finish line with ease and, most importantly, without regrets.  The client of a Trusted Advisor will know he or she can come to them time and again to connect to other resources.

5.  A Trusted Advisor creates peace of mind for their client and becomes someone a client looks forward to sharing with others.  Far too many business owners have been made wary of the process from the horror stories of how nefarious characters in our industry have taken advantage of others.  The Trusted Advisor knows that helping their client feel at ease through one of the most challenging chapters in the life of their business – the exit – serves others well and leads to the kind of referrals that makes their own work feel satisfying.  That sense of ease and peace of mind is priceless, for the Advisor, the client and their referral partners

I wrote The Seller’s Journey from experiences with my own clients and other Trusted Advisors so owners could see and feel what it’s like, to know it’s possible to sell their company with integrity, humanity and feeling understood by their advisors.

Send them a copy of the book and then be your own version of that Trusted Advisor your client is longing for – and watch how easy it is to close trust-filled deals with ease.

The post 5 Tips to Become THE Trusted Advisor Every Client Wants to Work With appeared first on Denise Logan.

Our lives are filled with moments of choice that lead to transitions. Whether it’s taking a new job with a different company, asserting new boundaries within an important relationship or a significant transition like exiting your business – each step toward change requires moving beyond a well trod comfort zone and that takes courage.

For most of us, the path from the Land of Wishing to the Land of Having requires us to step through the Gate of Doing. Typically, we step through that gate only when a) the pain of staying where we are is too great to stay put or b) the desire for that for which we have been wishing becomes strong enough to overcome the inertia of resisting. I’ve seen that pain come from any of a thousand different avenues for the people I work with – getting fired, not being able to raise the next round of financing, learning your spouse is preparing to leave you, a serious medical issue, death of a loved one, the empty nest or a gnawing restlessness that you just can’t put your finger on but you know you just can’t keep doing what you’ve been doing any longer.

Nearly everyone finds that “wanting” something to be different may be the starting point, but as the old saying goes “nothing changes if nothing changes.” Change requires action, plain and simple – there’s no avoiding it.

It is often fear that keeps us from taking the action we most need to take to see the changes we desire. Fear is not the enemy, inertia is. Fear challenges you to build your courage muscles and when you make friends with fear by stepping outside of your comfort zone, your comfort zone expands.

Too often we hold ourselves back from taking the steps that will improve our lives and fulfill us, hoping that our fear will go away. The fear that you might not make enough money or that you won’t be viewed as successful after you leave your company or that someone is going to be upset about your decision can keep you stuck where you are, hoping that “some day” you’ll wake up and feel the courage to try something new.

Believe me, courage is not going to find you, you’re going to have to tackle that fear and step into the courage whether you want to get a new job, give a speech or leave a relationship that just clearly isn’t working anymore.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, the pioneering psychiatrist in the work of grief surrounding the dying, found that the most oft-cited fear was the fear of death, even though we all know that it is inevitable and unavoidable. Her research showed that those who felt they understood and acted on their purpose in life or found special meaning in what they had been able to do were the ones who faced significantly less fear and despair in the final weeks of their lives than those who had not.

Identifying the work we are meant to do in this world and the strength of character to do something that frightens us and then deploying the physical or mental or emotional willingness to do it is empowering and exhilarating. It requires reflection, introspection, a willingness to look at things in a new way, and the courage to actually step out of one’s comfort zone and do something different and unfamiliar and yes, sometimes, frightening.

Often I hear “What will other people think or say if I (fill in the blank)?”

Self-esteem is frequently measured in terms of our perceived value to others.The fundamental question here is how you feel about yourself. What is the value you place on your very existence? I mean this as much in the deep dark of night when you might be alone, as during the day when you are actively serving a purpose, or some other time when you may have company around you.

What do you believe is the source of your value? We could cast this question many ways: economic value, intellectual value, emotional value, companionship value — or something much closer to the core of who you are.

I’ve suggested before that self-esteem is the single most important issue we face as individuals, and which aggregates into a collective situation that is holding back the progress of all of society. Imagine if we could all feel better about ourselves, love ourselves more, and be in close harmony with the fact of our existence. What, then, might you find the courage to really do with yourself?

In esoteric studies, the concept of death is synonymous with the concept of change. Without change, progress is impossible, and the resistance to change, progress and the mere consideration of death are the same thing.

It’s fair to say that most people avoid the topic of death, to the point of rarely if ever talking about it, thinking about it, planning for it, or seeking some true, personal understanding. Typically, the only time there are actual confrontations or conversations are when it’s right in our face.  Besides that, death is usually relegated to the realm of unspeakable inner fear of the unknown.

It is my observation that a significant part of the obsession around professional and financial success in society are rooted in struggles with both self-esteem and a sense that we can somehow avoid the inevitability of our own death by accumulating enough praise or resources.

A fellow I’m working with has become clear about the specific step that he needs to take to have the life of his dream, one he’s been dreaming of for as long as he can remember. He admitted that he was worried about what his family and friends would say if he took this step. He wasn’t sure he could stand up to their criticism of his decision, even though he knew that if he didn’t act soon his dream would really be beyond his reach. I shared with him a favorite quote: The opposite of courage is not cowardice, it is conformity. – Rollo May

Courage is the willingness to act in accordance with one’s beliefs, especially in spite of criticism or disapproval of others.

Many people stay in jobs they detest, continue to run companies they have outgrown and go to events with people they despise or behave in certain ways that violate their integrity just to please other people, all the while draining their life force into the pit of conformity for the poison pill of approval. To me, it is a sad waste of a life. After all, I often half-joke that if your friends think less of you for chasing your dream, you need some better friends! And, families often use the tool of guilt to manipulate their loved ones into conformity because of their own fears and wants.

While it’s easy to confuse courage and bravery, I think courage is not the absence of fear, but the resistance to fear and mastery of that which you have not yet achieved.  How long will you wait to claim the life that is yours alone to live?

Here are some questions I use to regain my courage:

1. What do I really (in my deepest heart) want? (Be precise)

2. What do I need to do to have that? (List every action)

3. What am I afraid of? (List every fear, no matter how silly it looks in writing)

4. What does avoiding this fear cost me?

5. What would I do if I weren’t afraid? (List every action)

6. At the end of my life, will I regret not having done this?

7. How will my life benefit from facing this fear?

8. What else might I be able to do if I faced this fear?

9. What specific actions must I take in spite of this fear so I may have what I want?

10. What one action am I willing to take today and who can I ask to support me?

We might come up with a thousand reasons why we are all unequal, and why some people are seemingly more powerful, though we all face the same fate, and we all live on Earth with limited time. Were we to admit that fact, we might want to have more fun and do something more meaningful while we’re here.

Dear friends, I want for you the life of your dreams. You deserve it, you’re worth it and as Christopher Robin said to Pooh, “Promise me you’ll always remember you’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem and smarter than you think.” If you need me to be your Christopher Robin, I’m here.

The post Building Your Courage Muscles appeared first on Denise Logan.

It is an informal gathering, along the lines of a Jeffersonian-style dinner.  For each event, I’ve chosen a variety of people I know who I think are open to discussion and would each bring a unique perspective to a shared conversation.  In advance of the evening, I will provide the address of the unique venue and LinkedIn listings for each of the guests, so that you may have a gander at who your dinner-mates will be.  Guests at prior events have said that it’s a dinner unlike any they’ve ever attended and that they made rich acquaintances that far surpassed any networking event they had ever attended.

The format for the evening is that once we all have arrived, I’ll ask each of you to share your answer to this opening question: If I could choose to take on the life of any other person (living, dead or fabled) who would I choose and why?   Your answer can be whimsical, lighthearted or deep.  You may wish to share an anecdote or two about how you came to that answer.

We will meander around the topic from there.  The only guidelines for the dinner are to have conversation as a group, to resist the urge to talk separately and to have fun with the topic.  We may disagree, but let us not be disagreeable!  It’s an opportunity to get to know each other and explore a common topic together.  There is no right or wrong answers, and I’ve chosen each guest because I know you can bring your full selves into the conversation, exploring a topic without any need to posture or prove anything – it’s why I enjoy each one of you so much!

At the end of the evening, you’ll each have an opportunity to share your perspective on the evening.  You may share what moved you, what (if anything) has shifted in your perspective, what you plan to do next, or any other comment that you wish to close with.  We will conclude by 9pm.

I’m looking forward to sharing this time with all of you!  Denise

The post The Legacy Dinner appeared first on Denise Logan.

We were trying to discern the vision he might have had for his life before it ran amok.

I had asked him to tell me what he could remember as the highlights of his life from the past year off the top of his head (without looking at his calendar). It took the better part of an hour for him to recall even a few big moments, let alone any fine details.

He was finally able to recall his birthday, a trip he had taken out west, two deals he had closed and being sidelined from his exercise routine from a fractured foot (that still wasn’t healed).

Because I’ve been at this for many years, I know it makes most sense to begin right where my client is. So, we began with the elements of the past year that he COULD recall, instead of trying to dig up more details. I asked him to answer these questions for each of the highlights he was able to recall:

Was it fun, exciting, exhilarating? Or was it exhausting, difficult, depressing?
What made it so?
Who else was there?
Why did you do it? What did you do that was just for you?

For the most part, his memory remained sketchy. Jeff was 54, not a geriatric patient. In retrospect, he said, many of the experiences just seemed downright exhausting.

Jeff told me, “That’s kind of pathetic, to only have a handful of things I can recall from the past year of my life. It’s like I haven’t even been IN my life.” He was most distressed to recognize that none of the things he could recall were things that were just for him, it was as if his life was being directed by everyone else but him.

What had started out as a little exercise turned into a major eye-opener for Jeff. He realized that he had become an unwitting victim of his own obsessive focus on the future and on meeting everyone else’s expectations for his life.

The saddest example of all was his daughter’s wedding. This memory hadn’t even surfaced during the initial recall exercise. In fact, this memory only came up when we were talking about frustration and he told me he was suing the photographer whose camera had been stolen, leaving them with only blurry photos some of the guests had taken with their iPhones. Talk about a metaphor. He and his wife had been so focused on making it the perfect day for everyone else that they simply didn’t remember a thing. It was one of the reasons he was so wrapped up in the litigation over the photos. Without quality photos, it was as if Jeff had missed his daughter’s wedding completely.

Bringing Your Life Into Focus

I’ve come to the conclusion that it takes time and stillness to ask yourself during and after both major and minor events how you actually felt about them. So often, we simply leap from one event to another without ever taking in the experiences of our life and using that information to guide our next steps. It makes life a blur.

I asked Jeff to tell me about the celebratory closing dinner for the biggest deal he closed last year. He was certain there had been one; but, not surprisingly, it took him some time to recall the actual event.

Specifically, I asked him, “How did you feel about the celebration?”

Notice, I didn’t ask him about the deal itself. I asked about the celebratory closing dinner. I didn’t ask him: “How did the dinner turn out? Did the guests have a good time? Did your client seem pleased? Was it better than other closing dinners you’ve attended?” Those are all questions focused externally on others’ perceptions of the experience. I wanted to hear what Jeff had experienced himself and what stuck with him from a celebration meant to mark a momentous experience in his career just a few months prior.

I drilled down with him:
“How did you feel during the dinner?”
“Did you enjoy doing it?” “What did you enjoy most?”
“Was the celebration experience exhausting or exhilarating?”
“If you had it to do over again, would you even have had the closing dinner?”
“What did you want for yourself going into that dinner, and did you get it?”

These are not questions we ask ourselves when we are busy playing the roles others have chosen for us or when we are focused on “the next thing.”

When we neglect our own relationship to our life, we forget about how it, like any instrument of value, needs care. Otherwise, like a neglected car, the relationship to our life sludges up, causing us to use up enormous energy for the simplest tasks, and finally breaks down, out on a desolate ridge, far from the nearest town and telephone. Then we discover it is a long, long walk back home to ourselves.

This is why, after decades of ignoring our own lives, the subtle ache for a life that matters grows into a roar we can no longer ignore. It comes from realizing we are missing our own lives. Deep inside we know that our own voice is going unheard while we pander to the demands of others, forgetting that we are the only audience our life really needs.

I have coached more than 900 professionals who have finally decided not to leave themselves out of their own lives anymore.

Sometimes they come because a huge event has nearly toppled their life … an unexpected career transition or looming retirement, the sudden death of a parent or good friend, a divorce. But most often it is simply a simmering feeling of discontent. They tell me they have no idea how they got to this point, how they forgot to dream anymore, when they stopped being present in their own lives. Some of them just want to escape the tedious routine of a life imposed by others, to break out of their ruts, to have fun again.

Perhaps you, like Jeff, realize that behind your ache for something more is a lost self.

Confronting Your Calendar

What would YOUR calendar look like? Do you have startlingly vivid memories to tap into or, like so many, would your mind simply draw a blank?

Spend the next thirty minutes recalling last year. Start anywhere. Pick a month and, without looking at your calendar, try to remember the activities, events and happenings that involved you, your career and your family. How much detail springs forth?

The purpose of this exercise is to see just how much you do not recall (which is the same as not being present in your life), as well as how little you actually do just for yourself.

The goal is to be part of a life that is not driven simply by the roles that you play and the things that you do, but also by the pleasure you actually experience and retain. Eventually, you will have to ask yourself some tough questions about goals, needs, damage done and ways to make it different. But, for the moment, set aside one block of time next week just for you. (Ideally, it would be an entire day, but even one hour will be a beginning.) Really, block it out in your calendar right now and refuse to let anything else bump that block from your schedule.

A full life worth remembering requires cultivation and some fallow time devoted just to ourselves – to restore our spirit, body and mind. Whether you are thirty, forty, fifty or sixty, the time is now. Take one single step by opening the lens to see where your life is focused right now.

The post A Life in Focus appeared first on Denise Logan.

Why can some people easily find work they love while others (like yourself) remain eternally doomed to work that sucks them dry?  In the past seven years I’ve worked with more than 900 professionals to find greater satisfaction in their work and to smooth their transition into retirement. Here are the seven most common reasons that are not only stopping you from finding that special work, but are also why any work you have done hasn’t been satisfying and meaningful.

There’s this huge elephant in the room when it comes to work in our conversations. People are increasingly saying “I hate my job, I’ve never been happy at work.” “I only work for the money.” “I’m burned out.” “I still don’t know what I want to do when I grow up.”  And this isn’t just coming from twenty-somethings, I hear it from people in their 40’s, 50’s and 60’s. Although it is often said with a sense of longing, embarrassment and resignation, the essential need for engaging and meaningful work is critical for each of us.

Perhaps you’ve found yourself saying or thinking one of these:

• “Work isn’t supposed to make me happy or be fun, that’s why it’s called work.”
• “It’s too late for me to make a change now.” or “I’m too old.”
• “I can’t afford to do what interests me, I’ve got to make a living.”
• “No one would pay me enough to do what is meaningful to me.”
• “The only way to earn enough to support my life is to do THIS ONE THING.”
• “I don’t have time to figure out what else I could be doing.”
• “I only have to do this for ten more years, then I can retire and do what I enjoy.”
• “I don’t know what I’m interested in.”
• “This is all I know.”
• “I’ve lived my whole career by accident.”
• “It’s too risky to make a change.”
• and so on and so forth …

The simple truth is you don’t owe anyone an explanation about why you are still not doing work you love. The problem is, that research shows those who remain in work that makes them unhappy tend to carry that sense of dissatisfaction into their retirement.

If you would like to change that unhappy work situation, and increase the likelihood of a rich and satisfying retirement for yourself, there’s still time. Here are seven reasons that may be the cause. At least one of them will apply to you, but more likely you’ll notice it’s a combination of a few.

1. Choice

The first possible reason that you aren’t doing work you love is that you choose not to. The only reason this wouldn’t apply to you is if someone is forcing you against your will to be in this job and you are unable to choose differently even if you wanted to. Since you are reading this, I will assume that is not the case (thankfully) and you are making your own choices.

Whether it’s because you don’t want to do work that matters to you, you haven’t found the right way to do it yet or you don’t believe you can find anything that interests you AND pays you … a series of choices has led you to where you are, choices you made under your own will.

The key to changing things moving forward is to realize it has all been your creation so far, even if you don’t like your current results – own it and then you can change it. Thinking that you will make those changes once you retire is unrealistic after hard-wiring for decades how you think about your right to do what is meaningful and engaging. Start now so you have a benchmark to carry into your future.

2. Unreasonable Standards

Some people call this “picky.” If you’re doing work that’s sucking you dry and you still haven’t found what lights you up, then this may be you. How long has it been since you last were engaged in work you loved? Weeks? Months? Years? Maybe never?

If you believe this is you, try easing up on yourself and worry less about things being perfect, focus more on what delights you. That’s not to say just take any work just for the sake of change. You have your list of what you want your work to contribute to your life, look at that list and identify the top five “non-negotiables” (less is ok) and let the rest surprise you. If you don’t have a list, I can help you with that. Bringing in delight with the unexpected is a skill. Cultivating it now in your work helps to open you to the synchronicity of it for later.

3. Economic Desperation or Hyper-Focus

There’s nothing more unattractive than desperation. It’s pretty easy to see in people when they need something to happen. You can’t help but sense they are in it for their own gain and no-one else’s. If it seems like the more you chase after a position, the more it seems to run from you, you could be projecting economic desperation or hyper-focus into your work life.

Focus on who you are serving and the value that you bring to the table in the work you do.  Desperation multiplies when you need something outside of yourself to be happy, and your life goes on pause until you have it. Abolish the belief that you can’t or won’t have work that supports and nourishes you and which you find interesting and meaningful. It’s out there, but you have to stop making every decision from a place of economic desperation and hyper focus. Loosening this desperation and hyper-focus will allow you to ease into retirement later without the panic that often comes from worrying whether the money will run out or you’ll be bored to death.

4. Playing It Safe

It’s a very romantic idea to trust in fate, or to think that this job you have will last forever, but it’s a mistake not to be proactive with your work life. If you’re imagining that you can just keep your head down and that this job will allow you to stay safe and secure, you’re kidding yourself. Likewise, waiting for work you love to come knock on your door, or if you have a fixed idea on how meaningful work will/should materialize for you, then this is you.

Quit confining yourself to a narrow slice of what work means and start getting out there to identify work you love – before a change at your company or in your industry forces you to figure out what you’ll do with yourself. You’re NOT really safe when you’re playing it safe, that’s an illusion. And, guess what? It turns out that people who stay in a job they hate are 63% less likely to be satisfied in retirement too. It pays to find what you enjoy and start doing it NOW so that pleasure can spill over into the rest of your life.

Try new things and be open to having fun in your work, even when it comes in the most unlikely form. Let life surprise with how it comes to you, just make sure you give it plenty of opportunities to come to you because you never know where it could lead.

5. Fear of Being “Odd” or Losing Your Status

In the movie Forrest Gump, Jenny asks Forrest what he wants to be when he grows up. He answers, “Why can’t I just be me?” Just being your own unique self and allowing others to do the same, you begin appreciating one of a kind views of the world and look for ways to bring your unique self into your work.

If you prize your status and are terrified about losing it, this may apply to you. Perhaps you had a position in the past where you felt insignificant or one in which you felt that others dismissed or demeaned you as less important than them. I suggest that for one week you make a note of every time you think negatively about someone else’s work and jot down what your thought was about the person’s worth based on your judgment. It’s important to start noticing this now.

If you want a life entirely based on avoiding judgment from others (which, by the way, the judgment is happening whether you know it or not), then staying in the work you dislike (even long after it makes sense to retire) may be the path for you; but if you truly desire work that supports you and lights up your world, and a retirement that holds promise, then respect for your own path as well as others’ is paramount. Allow yourself to find a small sliver of unexpected respect or admiration for the work of each person you encounter for the next week. The busboy, the housekeeper, the school crossing guard, the clerk at the grocery store. Know that your status and respect doesn’t come by surrendering your uniqueness and joy, it increases because of it … at the end of the day, we are all in this together. Begin with paying close attention to the value that others bring and appreciating the unique ways that they contribute in the world.

6. You’re Uninterested in Feeling Happy in Your Work

What’s the point in trying to find work I enjoy? Why bother? If you’re disinterested in improving your experience of work and past roles just haven’t been worth the time and effort to make them better, it’s been easier to just move on, then this is the category you fall into. You probably have had plenty of interest from others in helping you find ways to improve your experience of work, but you just have no desire to look deeply enough at yourself to make it happen. It’s no one’s fault, and sometimes you may feel bad turning down the offers of help from others, but you just don’t care – and no one can be mad at that.

If this is you, you may find that you have short-lived or economics-only positions – others may even call you a “mercenary”. While there’s nothing wrong with this at all, if you DO want to be engaged in work that allows you to take care of your family and provides a sense of pride, excitement and meaning for you, it begins with identifying what WILL engage you NOW, not just in some “future” work or retirement you imagine is out there. The evidence shows you’re the ones most likely to die within three years of retirement. It’s in your own self-interest to start finding what you enjoy now and incorporating it into your daily work, it will actually extend your life.

7. Not Giving Enough

The last reason applies to you when you find that your satisfaction with work never seems to last. In a short period of time it always falls apart and you’re on to something new as soon as you get bored. You’ve presumably had a few serious positions before, roles that you thought were the one that would last, but just seemed to fall apart and you always end up feeling taken advantage of and dissatisfied. If this rings a bell (and especially if you’ve struggled with reasons #5 & #6 in the past) then you may be holding back from bringing your real self into your work and other areas of your life.

You’re also likely to hear yourself later postponing retirement with comments like “What will I do with myself?” “I can’t just sit around all day!” “I’ll never retire, I’ll always keep working.” Finding meaning, satisfaction and delight in the work you do now ensures that you will be able to carry that same sense into your retirement, instead of being one of the ones who dies at his desk or makes the ones next in line wish he would so they have a chance to move up when he won’t move on.

***

It’s possible (in fact, essential) to have work you love, that makes you feel engaged, contributes meaning to your life and supports your family. I know because I’ve been helping clients find it for years. At the end of the day it’s all about choice, and knowing what choice you’ve made to get where you are today makes it easier to get to where you want to go – whether that’s work you love or retirement that is a rich legacy to all you worked for.

Start with the simple idea of seeing your work as a place to integrate your skills and abilities with your values, dreams and passions. It’s not just waiting at some future date when you retire, it’s out there right now waiting for you in your work. The question is Do You Want It?  If you do, let’s start with a call. It’s your choice.

The post 7 Reasons Why You’re Not Doing Work You Love (and why it almost certainly guarantees a lousy retirement is in your future) appeared first on Denise Logan.

David outlined his plan to me.  “I’ll commute.  Just 3 or 4 days a week.  It won’t be a big deal.  I mean, I’m already away from home a lot anyway.  They’ll hardly notice a difference.  I’ll take an early flight on Monday and the late flight on Thursday and work from home on Friday.  And, besides, we can FaceTime every night.”

***

Carla told me, “I want to find work that makes a difference in the world, something that will put my name on the map, my mark on something.  It really needs to give me the recognition I’ve been after.”  In the same conversation, she put me on hold to take a call from her nanny.  Apparently her son had taken a tumble at the playground and she wanted Carla to know she was on her way to the urgent care with him.  When I suggested we reschedule our call she declined.  “Thank goodness I have good reliable help to outsource this stuff to so I don’t have to worry about things like that!” she told me.

***

Mark’s wife takes care of their four children.  He told me he was pretty sure she’d be mad because though he had promised to be home by 6 so she could get out with her girlfriends on this Friday night, an important meeting had come up.  He was hopeful he could smooth it over with her but there was no way he could disappoint this client, “everything depends upon me being there.”

***

Thomas was distraught when he found out that his father had died.  To him, it seemed sudden.  He raged, “Why the hell didn’t he tell us the cancer had returned?”  His mother replied, “You seemed so busy with work all the time, and you always sounded so relieved when we said you didn’t have to bother to come all that way to see us.  We know how important your work is to you.”  His anger melted into a pool of intense regret, his father was gone forever.

***

David, Carla, Mark and Thomas … each of them is an excellent provider, a loving spouse and parent.  They care deeply about their work and about meeting the expectations of their employers and clients.  It’s natural to want to feel important.  The problem was, they didn’t know they already were.

To whom do you want to be important?  From where is it most satisfying to receive the praise of importance?  Who and what is important to you?

Every one of those clients told me that family is important to them.  That they would do anything for their families.  In fact, clients often tell me that they are making these sacrifices “for them.”

***

David tells me that this big break will let him sock away enough money to retire early, providing everything his kids could ever need and that he won’t ever have to worry about money.  Do you think that “everything those kids need” will feel clear to them through FaceTime instead of feeling daddy’s hand stroking their hair as they drift off to sleep?

How about Carla?  I know from our history together that she fought a long and hard battle with infertility to bring her little boy into this world.  Yet she still faces her craving for recognition and her strong desire to make a difference in the world in a way that feels “important”.  Of course she wants to be important, we all do!  But will this constant seeking leave her son wondering if HE is important to her and whether he matters?

Thomas is struggling as he reflects upon the weight of losing time with his father because his parents didn’t want to bother him or distract him from “his important work”?

***

There are turns we take on the path to Being Important.  Often we are so busy chasing an elusive need to feel that “I am Important” that we miss the warning signs that we are veering onto the path called How To Miss Your Life.

You know the forks in the road where you’re mindlessly following How To Be Important and somehow end up on the road to How To Miss Your Life.

“Check your phone first thing in the morning … even before you say good morning or hug your spouse and children.”

“Cancel plans with your spouse or best friend because “an important” client needs your attention.”

“Convince your child that a good night kiss blown to her by Skype is the same as feeling your arms securely wrapped around her.”

“Have more deal plaques in your office than candid photos taken of you and your family or friends engaged in fun together.”

“Ask your secretary to send an expensive display of flowers to your mom on Mother’s Day or her birthday, after all, what would you talk to each other about anyway?”

“Make sure you are always available for client calls and meetings, even on weekends and evenings, because disappointing them is intolerable.  Your son will understand it’s more important than his soccer game, unless it’s a championship where he’ll hopefully win a trophy for you to talk about.”

“When your daughter wants you to push her on the swing, have your phone in one hand checking emails, or distractedly tell her you’re “too busy, maybe later.”

“Whenever someone asks ‘How are you?’ answer with an out of breath ‘I’m SO crazy busy!'”

“Drag your dog by the leash impatiently while you’re texting.  Doesn’t he know how inconvenient it is when you have other things you could be doing after your 14 hours at the office?”

“Skip simple daily consistent actions like nightly dinner conversation or tucking your child into bed because you have more important things to do and you can always outsource that role to a nanny.”

“Optimize your drive time to call other people rather than talk to your kids about their day or their dreams or fears.”

“Convince yourself a loving hello or goodbye is highly overrated and have your phone to your ear or your eyes on a screen when your child or spouse leaves or comes home.”

Yep, you’ll be important if you follow this path, but at what cost?

• Missed connections with the people most precious to you
• The certainty of being a stranger to your children and the despair of never really knowing them
• Overwhelming regret and lost opportunities to make memories together

The post HOW TO BE IMPORTANT appeared first on Denise Logan.

Abundance

Acceptance

Accessibility

Accomplishment

Accuracy

Achievement

Acknowledgement

Activeness

Adaptability

Adoration

Adroitness

Adventure

Affection

Affluence

Aggressiveness

Agility

Alertness

Altruism

Ambition

Amusement

Anticipation

Appreciation

Approachability

Articulacy

Assertiveness

Assurance

Attentiveness

Attractiveness

Audacity

Availability

Awareness

Awe

Balance

Beauty

Being the best

Belonging

Benevolence

Bliss

Boldness

Bravery

Brilliance

Buoyancy

Calmness

Camaraderie

Candor

Capability

Care

Carefulness

Celebrity

Certainty

Challenge

Charity

Charm

Chastity

Cheerfulness

Clarity

Cleanliness

Clear-mindedness

Cleverness

Closeness

Comfort

Commitment

Compassion

Completion

Composure

Concentration

Confidence

Conformity

Congruency

Connection

Consciousness

Consistency

Contentment

Continuity

Contribution

Control

Conviction

Conviviality

Coolness

Cooperation

Cordiality

Correctness

Courage

Courtesy

Craftiness

Creativity

Credibility

Cunning

Curiosity

Daring

Decisiveness

Decorum

Deference

Delight

Dependability

Depth

Desire

Determination

Devotion

Devoutness

Dexterity

Dignity

Diligence

Direction

Directness

Discipline

Discovery

Discretion

Diversity

Dominance

Dreaming

Drive

Duty

Dynamism

Eagerness

Economy

Ecstasy

Education

Effectiveness

Efficiency

Elation

Elegance

Empathy

Encouragement

Endurance

Energy

Enjoyment

Entertainment

Enthusiasm

Excellence

Excitement

Exhilaration

Expectancy

Expediency

Experience

Expertise

Exploration

Expressiveness

Extravagance

Extroversion

Exuberance

Fairness

Faith

Fame

Family

Fascination

Fashion

Fearlessness

Ferocity

Fidelity

Fierceness

Financial

independence

Firmness

Fitness

Flexibility

Flow

Fluency

Focus

Fortitude

Frankness

Freedom

Friendliness

Frugality

Fun

Gallantry

Generosity

Gentility

Giving

Grace

Gratitude

Gregariousness

Growth

Guidance

Happiness

Harmony

Health

Heart

Helpfulness

Heroism

Holiness

Honesty

Honor

Hopefulness

Hospitality

Humility

Humor

Hygiene

Imagination

Impact

Impartiality

Independence

Industry

Ingenuity

Inquisitiveness

Insightfulness

Inspiration

Integrity

Intelligence

Intensity

Intimacy

Intrepidness

Introversion

Intuition

Intuitiveness

Inventiveness

Investing

Joy

Judiciousness

Justice

Keenness

Kindness

Knowledge

Leadership

Learning

Liberation

Liberty

Liveliness

Logic

Longevity

Love

Loyalty

Majesty

Making a difference

Mastery

Maturity

Meekness

Mellowness

Meticulousness

Mindfulness

Modesty

Motivation

Mysteriousness

Neatness

Nerve

Obedience

Open-mindedness

Openness

Optimism

Order

Organization

Originality

Outlandishness

Outrageousness

Passion

Peace

Perceptiveness

Perfection

Perkiness

Perseverance

Persistence

Persuasiveness

Philanthropy

Piety

Playfulness

Pleasantness

Pleasure

Poise

Polish

Popularity

Potency

Power

Practicality

Pragmatism

Precision

Preparedness

Presence

Privacy

Proactively

Professionalism

Prosperity

Prudence

Punctuality

Purity

Realism

Reason

Reasonableness

Recognition

Recreation

Refinement

Reflection

Relaxation

Reliability

Religiousness

Resilience

Resolution

Resolve

Resourcefulness

Respect

Rest

Restraint

Reverence

Richness

Rigor

Sacredness

Sacrifice

Sagacity

Saintliness

Sanguinity

Satisfaction

Security

Self-control

Selflessness

Self-reliance

Sensitivity

Sensuality

Serenity

Service

Sexuality

Sharing

Shrewdness

Significance

Silence

Silliness

Simplicity

Sincerity

Skillfulness

Solidarity

Solitude

Soundness

Speed

Spirit

Spirituality

Spontaneity

Spunk

Stability

Stealth

Stillness

Strength

Structure

Success

Support

Supremacy

Surprise

Sympathy

Synergy

Teamwork

Temperance

Thankfulness

Thoroughness

Thoughtfulness

Thrift

Tidiness

Timeliness

Traditionalism

Tranquility

Transcendence

Trust

Trustworthiness

Truth

Understanding

Unflappability

Uniqueness

Unity

Usefulness

Utility

Valor

The post A List of Values appeared first on Denise Logan.

I met each of them on different days at one of my favorite meeting spots when I’m in town, a historic carousel in the park. I like it because it reminds me of the importance of knowing what we’re reaching for.

As we went round and round on the carousel, we talked about the importance of using time wisely and knowing when to grab for our unique shot at the brass ring.

Here are the steps Glen & Corey are taking to be ready to grab their brass rings. They’re the same ones that can work for you, too.

#1 Fix Your Broken Wanter – Focus on What You REALLY Want

The Spice Girls sang it best “Tell me what you want, what you really REALLY want!” Make sure the brass ring you’re grabbing for is the one you really want.

Here’s how Glen got clear that he needed to leave his firm. He did an exercise I call “Fixing Your Broken Wanter”. This exercise is best done when you have an hour or so of uninterrupted time and can be in a quiet space with a beverage of your choice, but it’s more important to get started, so if time is an issue, just begin and keep adding to it as ideas surface.

Grab a notepad and write “I want …” at the top of the page. This is an exercise in emptying out all of the wants that are built up inside so you can focus on what you really want. Don’t edit yourself, don’t question how on earth you’re going to get what you want or whether what you want is contradictory or unrealistic. Just keep writing on each line … I want … I want … I want … Write as fast as your hand will go and fill another page and another page until you have simply run out of wants.

Remember, this list is for your eyes only. You may be surprised by what you write, it may switch from things to experiences, to feelings and back again. Keep writing until you run out of wants or you run out of time. If ideas come to you later, add them to your list.

Put your list aside for the day and return to it the next day or later in the week. See if you can identify themes among the things you want. Some of them might be material things, some might be experiences, some might be lofty ideals and some you didn’t even realize were lurking inside there.

Notice which things on your list are things you THINK you SHOULD want. Glen told me that he had identified quite a lot of things on his want list that weren’t really his wants, they were things or goals that belonged to others that somewhow had gotten stuck in his own head. Once he saw them on paper he and I could work on how to let them go and focus on the wants that actually fit for him.

Most clients who have done this exercise tell me they are shocked by some of what comes out in this exercise and that it makes it easier to settle the hungry ghost of wanting when they realize that some of what’s coming up aren’t even their own wants. They’ve been chasing things and goals that belong to someone else.

Corey told me this exercise revealed that he wanted to be free to move to different parts of the world periodically. He got clear that owning his business, which required him to be in a location he despised, was keeping him from what he really wants. Relocating the business wasn’t an option, so he got clear it’s time to sell. He discovered that the primary residence and the vacation house in Lake Tahoe were also more burdens than wants. Really, he had purchased them because it seemed the thing to do at the time, but he’d really rather go somewhere different each year. The vacation house is going to be sold, too.

Glen saw that a lot of the wants that had shown up on his list were things that seemed to help him “fit in” with the other executives in his peer group – a sailboat, a fine watch, even the graduate degree he had chosen – they weren’t what HE really wanted. He recognized that continuing to drive after these wants were keeping him in a job with a two hour commute each way and worse yet was keeping him from the things he REALLY wanted, which was to spend more time with his wife and two young sons.

Another client told me that he was surprised to realize that he didn’t really want to be as fit as he THOUGHT he “should” want to be. His list revealed that he wanted to just feel happy with the way he looked. He had been committing hours of every week to the gym combating his sense that women thought he was unattractive unless he looked a particular way. Easing up on his intense workouts and returning to a sport he enjoyed for fun and camaraderie ended up giving him much greater pleasure and ease.

Each of these men realized that they were grabbing for a brass ring that wasn’t theirs and, if they actually got it, wouldn’t have been satisfying after all.

As you see the pattern of your own deeper wants revealed, they will likely form a different sort of dream for your life. What are you doing in the dream? How are you living? Who is in the dream with you? What does a typical day entail?

These questions will help you define what lifestyle you really want, and give ideas about how you can achieve that lifestyle. For example, if you see yourself relaxing by the lake with a good book and a glass of red wine, and you live in an apartment in Manhattan, ask yourself why you aren’t spending more time that way now. What things are in your way and how can you re-arrange your priorities in order to have the lifestyle you really want?

If you think that what you want is more money, keep digging at that response. What would you do if you had endless amounts of money? Would you travel, volunteer, or live simply and quietly away from it all?

We often think that money is an end goal, when really we are just stuck in a rut, and we think we can’t do or have what we really want unless we have more money. Challenge that idea and dig to find those things that you really want, and aim to pursue them now.

You want to grab YOUR brass ring, not the one that someone else told you was yours.

#2 Do a Year to Date Review

Take stock of where you’ve been and appreciate the accomplishments you’ve made so far this year. Answer these types of questions:

* What went well for me so far this year?
* What accomplishments did I have? How satisfied am I with these accomplishments?
* How did I improve my life? What else can I do to improve it?
* How did I improve my relationships? What else can I do to improve them?
* What did I remove from my life that is now making me happier? What else should I remove?
* What do I wish I had taken more time for? How can I make that happen?

Glen and Corey have been doing this kind of review with me every quarter, along with exploring their real wants. It’s helped them to recalibrate and they have each kept track of these questions and their responses in a journal they can refer back to. Their answers quarter by quarter and year over year have been very enlightening. As have the changes to their lists from the Fixing Your Broken Wanter exercise. It’s helped them to get and stay on track with their decision making, instead of getting drawn into endlessly chasing results and outcomes that aren’t aligned with their own true wants.

#3 Get Aligned – Either Finish What You Started or Dump It

Which projects, errands and general list of to-do items do you have left over from earlier in the year? Check your energy level for them. Do they still align with what you REALLY want? If so, can you complete any of them in 2 hours or less? If so, do them now to clear your mind of the old items. Or hire it out. Have an office that looks like a paper bomb exploded? Hire an organizer and let him put order in your space you can get on with what needs to be done.

Or dump it, if it no longer aligns with what you really want. Keeping projects around doesn’t do any good, it just weighs down your mind. If it no longer aligns with what you truly want, own up to it, have any difficult conversations you need to have about it and stop grabbing for a tarnished ring that will turn your hands green when you finally grab it.

Cross those things off your list as done or no longer aligned and give yourself a fresh start. If it’s still undone after two consecutive quarters, get an accountability partner or a coach to help you sort out whether it still fits with what you really want and to help you complete it pronto. Incomplete projects weighing on your mind (or worse yet, which no longer align with your true desires) is a set up for distraction from grabbing the brass ring.

#4 Set Priorities & Milestones & Tell Someone What Matters to You

Dreaming is fabulous and highly recommended, but if you really want to accomplish improvements in your life, you need to have a plan. As much as you may want something, is it in conflict with other things you want? Where is your focus? Keep coming back to what you REALLY want.

Let’s get seriously focused on what you want. Get clear about your dream and start breaking it down into milestones: if you want to work from home, what are the steps you need to take? Have you told your buddies for five consecutive years that THIS is the year you’re going to switch jobs or sell your business or retire? If you really mean it, break those steps down further so you can create a game plan and start working towards accomplishing that dream. Recognize that your actions speak louder than your words. If you can’t seem to do something you say you want to, check it out – do you REALLY want it or do you think you SHOULD want it?

If you don’t really want it, but you think you should, then head back to the Fixing Your Broken Wanter exercise and let’s get clear about what you DO want. Call me, call someone, and find a way to let go of chasing the dreams that aren’t yours. Again, get really clear about who will help you stay on point and help guide you toward your real goal – the one you truly want. Who will support your actions and inspire you to say no to the wants that aren’t your own?

#5 Put Yourself at the Top of the List

Using the information you gained above by determining what you really want, put yourself at the top of the list. Think that sounds selfish? The old adage is true: we really can’t help others until we help ourselves. Taking care of yourself and making sure the brass ring you’re grabbing for is actually yours will make you a better leader, spouse, parent.

Our examples have a far greater impact on those around us than anything we might say, and taking care of your own well-being means you’ll be around longer for your loved ones and they’ll enjoy having a less resentful you, too!

Do these things:
* get honest about what you REALLY want
* know how you want to feel when you have what you want
* be rigorous about not pursuing what you DON’T want
* set priorities & milestones
* find a supporter or coach who has your back and will nudge you forward consistently

The post Grabbing Your Brass Ring appeared first on Denise Logan.

During the decade that I was recruiting in the financial services sector, I watched candidates become clients and then become candidates again as they moved from Analyst to Associate to Vice President to Partner.  While it’s not a bad business model for a recruiting firm, it hurt my heart to watch people change jobs again and again, not seeming to find any sense of lasting happiness.  I took a leave of absence from that work and did a study to find out what was driving all that movement and how to help stop the churn in their careers.  Here are some of my findings and Ways to Stop the Churn.

GET REAL ABOUT WHY YOU ARE UNHAPPY IN YOUR JOB

Why you SAY you are changing jobs is often not the underlying reason you are moving again.

The number one reason people change jobs is a sense of not feeling valued in their work.  Sometimes that value is economically driven.  “I’m not getting paid what I’m worth!” is what I often heard.  What it frequently meant is this “To give up this many hours of my life, I need to see something I value in return.”  My questions are – How is it that work feels like “giving up hours of your life” instead of “getting to do something satisfying”?  And, is money really what you value most and how you determine your sense of worth?

Not surprisingly, what my study (of several thousand professionals) revealed was that an intrinsic sense of value in one’s work creates a sense of worth.

In a world where the first question we are often asked is “What do you do?” – there is a need to feel that what we “do” as our living should have value.  Value often comes from a sense of prestige, respect, money or contribution.

What the study revealed was, hands down, professionals who see a tangible impact from their work on the lives of others were more satisfied with their work, moved less often and felt more “valued.”

Now, here’s the rub.  Most of the movement that’s happening in job changes isn’t actually meeting that need.  I’m not saying don’t move if you’re unhappy, but …

ACKNOWLEDGE THE TRUE COST OF A JOB CHANGE

The average churn rate in a job in this industry is 4.6 years.  Even allowing for the difference in career tracks as we age, the median tenure of professionals ages 55 to 64 (at 10.4 years) was only three times as long as that of professionals ages 25-34 (at 3.0 years).  That’s a lot of moves in your career and, if you admit it, they haven’t all worked out like you had hoped.

The impact of a job change creates a ton of ripples.  Each of those ripples has a cost – economic ones and intangible interpersonal ones – on the employee who moves, his co-workers, the company he is leaving and the one he is joining, his family (spouse, children, friends).  That’s a lot of ripples impacting a lot of people and resources from a single move.  Kind of makes you want to make sure it’s a good move, right?

KNOW WHY YOU ARE MOVING AGAIN & EXACTLY WHAT NEEDS TO BE DIFFERENT

So, what’s driving all of this movement? The key reasons people give when changing jobs are:

• People – “I can’t stand the people I work with”
• Process – “The quality, type or variety of the work I’m doing sucks”
• Pay – “I’m underpaid”
• Purpose – “It wasn’t what I thought it would be or it just feels meaningless and hollow”

If people, process, pay and purpose are the top four reasons, how can you make sure that the next move is a lasting one for you?  Who is pushing back on your stated reasons to switch jobs so you can get at the real issues and pin down the exact things that need to change?

LAY OUT YOUR MUST HAVE’S AND YOUR DEAL BREAKERS

We tend to overplay our unhappiness when we are leaving and underplay our likelihood of unhappiness where we are moving to.  It’s called the grass is greener syndrome.

How many times have you made a move in your career thinking, it’ll be better with THOSE folks?  Only to find, after the novelty wears off, that you’re still working with jerks, it’s just that they have different faces and names than the jerks you worked for in the last place!

How can we make sure you don’t trade one set of jerks for another?  Every firm will tell you that their culture is great, that they’re family friendly, that they favor a quality work-life balance.  What the heck does that even mean – for you?

I was working with a client recently who is considering a move to a new firm.  We were talking about the work-life balance question.  The company had assured him that they were very balance friendly.  I asked what that meant for my client.  How many nights a week would he be home for dinner with his family?  He wasn’t sure.  In fact, he wasn’t sure he even wanted to know and he sure as heck didn’t want to ASK them.  Mostly because he was concerned that asking the question would make him look like a slacker.  He assumed that in the first few months or even the first year, he’d have to just buckle down and make a name for himself and that then he could sort out those questions of life balance.  What?  That was a guaranteed way to ensure that the new firm would come to expect that behavior from him and was likely to lead to pent up resentments when he wanted to change his behavior.

What exactly are your unspoken expectations for this move?  What are your hidden hopes that will make THIS move the last one (for at least a decade)?

TAKE OFF YOUR BEER GOGGLES & ASK THE HARD QUESTIONS

In what aspect of a transaction would you say “I’m not going to ask that tough question and just hope for the best.  I don’t want the other side to think  I’m not committed. I’m sure it’ll all work out!” You’d set out your “must have’s” and “deal breakers” and figure out whether the other side can give them to you or not.  In your deals (if you’re an honorable deal-maker) you don’t play weasel games of “I’ll see what I can get away with later after they’re comfortable with me.”

But, when you do it in your career, you’re likely to hit the one year mark feeling like since you’re giving up this much of your life, then you ought to get some other form of compensation for it.  That’s when your unhappiness starts to look like – “I need more money, these guys are underpaying me for this work!” And you start thinking about making another jump for  money.  But, is it really about money?  Or is it that what you’re missing is your Quality of Life and, if you’re going to have to give it up, you feel like you need to make  more money to put up with that.  Unspoken expectations lead to festering resentments and more churn in your career and in your life.

Just as it did for a 41 year old investment banker I’ll call Julie.  Her goal had always been to have kids by the time she was in her 40’s.  But she continued to choose roles with firms whose expectations were not aligned with hers.  She was looking at her seventh move when I asked her “How many more moves will you make before you ask for what you want and face the reality of whether you can get it there or not instead of blindly hoping it will somehow materialize and then moving again because you are disappointed or angry?”

What if you said, “it’s important to me that I am home for dinner with my children and able to take a walk with my wife at least 3 nights a week.” Or “I reserve evenings and weekends as uninterrupted time for my family.  But, I am committed to being fully focused for the ten hours each workday that I am here in the office.”  What IS your desired work-life balance?  How willing are you to say it? To make it be a non-negotiable, one you are clear about the terms of.  How many days a month ARE you willing to travel?

If an employer said “Don’t worry, we’re very compensation friendly” you’d want to know what the heck that meant, wouldn’t you?

CRAFT YOUR RESUME AND YOUR SEARCH WITH PROCESS IN MIND

When preparing your resume, it’s easy to focus on highlighting the things you’ve done in your last job.  It’s a great way to make sure you do more of that in your next job.  But what if, instead, you listed all of the things you have done in all of the jobs you’ve done and ranked them.

• These I do well and want to do more of
• These I do well and don’t want to do more of
• These I do but would like to develop and do more of
• These I do poorly and don’t want to do more of

Then don’t put on your resume or promote in your search those skills that you don’t want to do more of!

Here’s an example from my own life.  I practiced law for a dozen years.  I’m a strong litigator, but it also intensifies my conflict skills.  Frankly, I don’t want to strengthen those muscles anymore.  Could I absolutely be the one who handles litigation for my firm or a client?  Yes.  But, I’d rather put a stick in my eye.  And, it’s better for the people in my personal life when I don’t litigate.

So, would it make sense for me to highlight that skillset of mine?  No.  It means a prospective employer is likely to want to capitalize on that skill of mine, to my own detriment and the loss of significant quality in my life.  So, I don’t share it and, if asked, I say that while I do have that skillset, I am not interested in using it further.  Period.  I don’t waffle on it, I don’t do “a little.”  Because it’s not a skill that enhances my happiness and I know that since I’m good at it, more of it is likely to come my way.  But, I don’t want it.  Will it mean that an employer might pass me by?  Yes, but taking a role that involves work I detest (or other deal breakers) only sets me up for further churn.

Contrast that with a skillset that I have which I love to use.  I’m an excellent “rainmaker”.  It pleases me greatly to develop business relationships and nurture them into long lasting rich connections.  For me, that is the common denominator among the three companies I have led.  What is yours?

USE THE BIGGER LENS OF PERSPECTIVE & APPLY IT AGAINST YOUR PLAN

When evaluating a new opportunity … you need context and perspective.  What is your perspective? How does this opportunity fit into your greater life plan, your legacy and what it will look like 5 years, 10 years, 20 years from now?

What? You don’t have a 5, 10 and 20 year plan?  C’mon, isn’t that just the basic framework your investors want from you for your business?  Or what you demand from your portfolio companies.  I know it’s easy to say you’ll get to it “someday”.  Without it, you’re adrift.

One client said to me recently, “I don’t have a good track record of predicting major life transitions.  I just kind of look to my next promotion and take it from there.” That’s great when you’re a kid, but it explains a lot of the churn he’s endured in his career and in his life.  So, you might get the next position, and maybe even a promotion – but is this a place and people that you want to spend your next decade with?  Are you creating “stepping stones”? And, will these stones take you to the place you most want to step, and why?  Who is helping you to create that plan and to recalibrate it with regular review?

As Don said to me, “When I was graduating, if someone had told me I’d have this business, this wife, these kids, I’d have said ‘Hell Yeah!’ But, I’m here now and think ‘What will I be looking back on at 65?’ I say family is my #1 goal but I know it doesn’t look like that from their shoes.  I need to have a 10 and 20 year plan & the ability to stay on track.  I get distracted.  I mean, I get an idea and run with it hard, but the question is how does it fit in with my bigger life?  I don’t want to look back on my life and think ‘I could have done a lot more with my gifts but I didn’t plan and now I’m really far off course’.” That’s the work he and I are doing together now.

Do you have someone in your corner who is pushing you to make a strategic plan for your life?  Someone who brings a different lens to focus on all the questions that you need to ask to get clear about whether this is the right move for you and how it fits in with your plan?  Or are you churning through your career just hoping to get lucky like the drunk guy at the bar wearing beer goggles?

The post Changing Jobs Again? Steps to Stop Churning Your Career appeared first on Denise Logan.